This Life

I wish that I could say that it is no secret that I have been struggling lately.  And to some, maybe it has been.  However, my absence on blogging and social media point straight to my current plight.  I’ve leaned on a few friends and asked for a lot of prayer.

It’s been hard.  I can’t deny that.  I’m sure it is some form of pride that has caused me to shrink and not admit it.  But there it is.  There’s no way around it.  Life is hard.  No matter how much you have or how little you have.  It doesn’t matter if you are single, married, or dating, if you have no children, one child, or an entire herd.  Life is messy and complicated and difficult.

Now, to be sure, there are times when we bring the mess on ourselves and there are times when it is just out of our control.  So, what then?  If life is hard, then what do we do about it? 

I’m not sure I’m qualified to answer and I don’t know that there is a one size fits all answer.  Each mess is different.  No, I think that the key in any situation, in any mess, is your perspective.  Since we know that there will be messes and that life is hard, we just have to worry about how we are going to look at the mess.

For my recent situation, I have let the mess consume me.  I have treated the mess as if it was in control instead of realizing who actually was in control (answer: God).  I have wallowed in the mess, which is easy to do.  I lost sight of the fact that I live in a big world with lots of messes and lots of lives.  I spent almost one whole day on the couch crying about my mess (how selfish is that?).

Honestly, my mess is pretty bad.  It is easy to let it take over.  But that’s not what I’m called to do.  I’m not called to wallow.  Paul Tripp once said, “Sin reduces the size of your life, to the size of your life.” (What Did You Expect?) And, boy, did I let myself get there.  There was nothing outside of me.  I spent most of my day thinking about my situation, my mess, my problems.

Then  there was that day, the one spent on the couch crying.  I felt a little tug to text a friend.  In my despair, I almost dismissed it.  But I didn’t.  I texted her and let her know that I was thinking of her and that I missed her the previous night at church.  That reminded me that another friend wasn’t at church so I texted her.  Before long, I was in text conversations with both women.  One was committing to pray for me and what I was going through.  The other was sharing that she was going through a mess of her own.

It wasn’t long before I was no longer crying but praying for my friend and her mess and praising for the friend who had offered to share my burden (even though she didn’t really even know what it was).  That perspective shift was what I needed at that moment to remind me that I wasn’t the only one in a mess and that I wasn’t alone to take care of my mess.

When we are dealing with these complicated issue of life (and they are!), we have to be attentive, too.  We can’t allow the mess to close us off and isolate ourselves.  There are those out there that are willing to share your burden and there are those who may need you to share theirs.  Even if you are in a mess, you can still pray for those around you.

Prayer and perspective.  They kind of go hand in hand at times, don’t they?  We can’t stop praying.  And when the time seems hopeless, we have to remember to pray for that perspective.  For God to show us that He is sovereign and no matter how messy our situation might be, He is good and He’s got this.

Friday Favorites

5 Favorites of Fall

Wow!  Do I really have to limit it to 5?  I SERIOUSLY love fall.  It is one of my favorite seasons and this fall has been especially beautiful.  It’s easy to think of things I love about fall, but it may be hard to limit it to just 5!

1.  The Leaves – I mean, really, how can you not start there?  I really feel sorry for those who don’t get to experience the colors of fall.  We’ve been blessed on our foliage appreciation pursuits and were able to take a drive through the Berkshires of Massachusetts one year.  We also toured the Ave Maria Grotto in Cullman, AL a few years ago.  I’m sure that it is an amazing sight at any time, but as we walked through the Grotto with leaves falling and majestic colors everywhere, it was extra special.  This year, we’ve been blessed to be on our own land.  I’ve been amazed at how vibrant the colors are up here.  As a friend described the other day when she drove out here, “It’s like being IN a postcard!”

2.  The Weather – Now, I know for many fall means rain and that’s true here, too.  However, you can’t really have the cooler weather come in without a bit of a disturbance.  We had an extremely hot and miserable summer this year, so I am so very thankful for the drop in temps.  It has stayed extraordinarily pleasant for quite some time, light jacket weather as my grandma used to say.  It is a blessed respite between the sweltering heat of summer and the bone-chilling winter.

3.  The Clothes – It’s no secret that I’m a little… fluffy.  Therefor tank tops, shorts, and maxi skirts aren’t really my best friends.  No, my body is much more suited for sweaters, scarves, and hoodies.  But it doesn’t stop there!  With fall, we also get boots and tights and hats, oh my!  Not to mention my fair complexion works much better with the browns and reds and oranges rather than pastels and neons.  Yes, the clothes of fall are definitely on my list.

4.  The Holidays – Fall is like the calm before the storm.  Once the cool weather begins, we know that it’s only a few short months before the holiday season sets in.  If you are deliberate and intentional, you can enjoy this blessed peace and prepare for the coming onslaught.  Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays ever.  Probably because it’s all about gratitude, family, and food.  I don’t have to stress about gifts and money; I can just sit back and enjoy and be thankful.  And with Thanksgiving begins my favorite holiday trifecta:  Thanksgiving, Christ the King Day, and Advent.  Last year, Advent was a huge hit with our son and I look forward to celebrating this year, too.

5.  The Food – This could probably top my list on about any subject, but I especially love fall foods.  Last summer we were in a CSA and I loved getting all the fresh summer veggies.  I was almost distraught when fall came around.  What would I cook now?  Since eating seasonally is definitely a passion, I began to learn about fall foods and I fell in love.  Butternut squash, acorn squash, stews, chili, etc.  You also have apple and pear everything, cider, hot chocolate, and pumpkin.  I know that not everyone is on the bandwagon, but I’m a pumpkin girl.  We actually stock up on canned pumpkin in the fall and eat it year round.  I love pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin coffee, well, you get my drift.

Bonus:  Bonfires – Recently we went over to a friend’s and roasted hot dogs and made s’mores and drank coffee.  Does it get any better?

So, what about you?  What are your fall faves?  Grab a pumpkin spice latte, curl up in your favorite hoodie and tell me all about it.

"I used to think _____ and now I think _____."

 I used to think the Kingdom of God was very small, but now I know how big and rich it is.

I don’t remember the date at all, but I remember the conversation:

Woman:  So, why don’t you go to Mega Church Down the Road?

Me:  Well, you see, they believe and practice Pet Doctrine I Didn’t Even Really Understand.

Woman: …

This conversation really did happen and almost exactly like this.  That woman was my boss.  I had no clue where she stood with the Lord or where (or if) she went to church.  And to be honest, I guess I didn’t care.  Because those weren’t things I asked or talked to her about.  Ever.  However, I did have this conversation that still today makes me cringe over 10 years later.

Shortly after that, I ran into a woman who was in seminary.  It wasn’t so rare considering the seminary that my husband went to, but I had very definite opinions on that.  Those opinions didn’t coincide with this woman, however.  She was smart and articulate.  She loved Jesus and people.  She asked me a similar question as the one above.  Here’s how this conversation went:

Seminarian Woman:  Oh, you don’t go to Blank Church?

Me:  No.  I just don’t agree with This Doctrine?

Seminarian Woman:  Really?  I like to go to a church and see if the Spirit of God is there.  That’s what I look for first.

Me: …

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I responded, but I’m sure that whatever I said was about as good as all I’ve referenced so far.  But her answer stuck with me.  I’ve thought about it a lot over the years and it’s definitely influenced me.  Even though it took me another several years to take it to heart.

Fast forward another few years and my husband was on active duty as a military chaplain.  Our first duty station was in Southern California.  During our time there, we became close friends with an Assembly of God chaplain and came into contact with host of others.  But we never found a church home.  Being a chaplain, my husband didn’t really want to go to the chapel (it was like bringing work home).  We visited several other churches who had the same or similar name on the front as ours back home.  But none of those churches had what we were really looking for:  the Spirit of God.

Our next duty station was in Rhode Island.  We went to a church (of our flavor) and it was good.  The preaching was sound, but the people never really welcomed us.  Then we had to go on base to the chapel.  The atmosphere wasn’t great, but since the base was very transient, it wasn’t long until we got a new chaplain and worship leader and things began to change.  God’s word was preached and a new worship team truly led our hearts in worship.

I’d never seen anything like it.  Being brought up in the Bible belt, most people I knew went to church because it was were you were supposed to be on Sunday mornings and occasional Sunday or Wednesday nights.  I’d never really known another way.  Until this chapel.  For the first time, I saw people coming to church who were just there because they loved God.  It was life changing.

In this chapel, I learned what worship was and what it could do.  I heard God’s word preached with authority and I saw people coming together, those who knew Jesus and those who wanted to.  I began to volunteer with the women’s ministry at the chapel and ran into all different brands of Christianity and religion.  I sat at potluck dinners with Seventh Day Adventists, Universalists, and Evangelicals.  I taught bible studies with Catholics and Protestants.

And while this was going on during Sundays and Wednesdays, I was in a concurrent Bible study with a group of moms from my son’s school.  Their diversity rivaled that of the chapel.  When we weren’t at the chapel, we attended a Reform Church.  I found a new love for Jesus, His Scripture, and His people.  I found something in this place that I didn’t even know I was looking for: the Kingdom of God.

You see, once we really experienced the Spirit of God, unhindered, we found God’s Kingdom.  When we gathered with those who didn’t care about pet doctrines or buzzwords, but just focused on Jesus and being led by His Spirit, we encountered what Jesus had spent His time on earth preaching – The Kingdom!

Because God’s Kingdom is so much more and so much bigger than I could ever imagine.  Not to mention the fact that I’m not called to define or defend the Kingdom, I’m called to seek it.

Status Report: October

Well, it has been a good while since I reported anything about the house.  I have to say that it is a little intentional.  It’s been a hard summer.  Chas and I spent the majority of it with family and friends, while Nathan worked on the house.

He got a lot done, of course, without, uh, distractions (ie, me & Chas).  However, we’ve been back together for a while and as you would expect, progress has slowed.  Life keeps getting in the way, the yard needs mowed, the camper (where we are currently staying) needs to be worked on, friends invite us over, the yard needs mowed again!

That isn’t to say that nothing is getting done.  I’m happy to report that we are almost done with deconstruction.  It seems like I’ve been saying that for a few weeks now, but it’s really true.  All the drywall has been removed and now Nathan just has to clear out the living room and rip up the floor.

Then the good part begins:  CONSTRUCTION! (after a visit from the Orkin man – my personal hero)

I’ve been assured by many that this part will go much quicker.  I hope so because deconstruction has almost broken me.  I knew this was going to be a LONG term project.  It is a marathon and not a sprint, but considering I have trouble with a 5K, I’m a bit impatient. 

Every time we push back a deadline or something gets in the way, I want to scream and stomp and throw a tantrum that would make your threenager look like an angel straight from heaven.  I have to stop myself and realize that this is just a season.  Each time I am convinced that we will live in a 30-ft camper for the rest of our lives and I have to renew my mind.

Right now, we are hoping to winter over in the camper.  The roof will hopefully be done by winter and we will actually move into our house in spring.  If all goes to plan, we may actually be done by our projected date of 31 Dec 2016.  This is our plan, our hope, and our prayer.

As for right now, I’m trying to lean into the discomfort.  I am trying to realize that things could be worse.  I’m trying to remember that the suffering makes the joy that much sweeter.  And above all, I’m trying to do all of it to His glory, since that is what it’s all about anyway.

Out of Sorts by Sarah Bessey

What an amazing way to begin a book that is essentially the faith journey of author Sarah Bessey!  I have to admit that I was hooked from the beginning; an intro that perfectly sums up my current stage of life and Christian maturity.

The style of writing of Sarah Bessey has a quality to it that almost seems sculpted and poetic.  The pictures that she paints with her verbiage are as beautiful as the concepts that she is explaining.  This book is no different.  I found myself often staggered by the images that she used.  In a word, it was beautiful.

However, this is not a book of mere beauty and no substance.  Each chapter has a unique title and subject that could probably stand alone but when gathered together in this way, they absolutely shine.  While articulating beliefs (both her own and others) on various aspects of the Christian life, Sarah Bessey invites readers on her journey while encouraging them to embark on their own.

“I wanted to follow Jesus: not a way of thinking or a doctrine, not a sermon or a list of rules, not political affiliations and church denominations or a path to a shiny-happy life or anything like that.  I wanted to follow him and love him, right to the end, wherever he led.”

- Chapter 2, Out of Sorts

While I cannot claim to agree with everything she has articulated in this book, I feel that that in and of itself is okay.  Ms. Bessey gives the reader permission to disagree and figure it out on their own while still challenging you to seek the hard things and not shy away just because it is hard or sad or unpopular. 

“What I thought I knew or what I thought I believed turned out to be seeing through a glass darkly.  Even now, I am fairly certain I only have a small candle to aid my vision.”

- Chapter 4, Out of Sorts

Sarah herself proclaims that she doesn’t quite have it all figured out (not anymore #recoveringknowitall) and that what she does have figured out may change as she grows and matures.  That is the central lesson of the book, in my view.  We are constantly sorting; continuously going through the boxes of our faith and throwing out the old to make room for the new.  If we aren’t living a life of faith that is growing, maturing, and living, then we aren’t really living a life of faith.

“Anyone who gets to the end of their life with the exact same beliefs and opinions as they had at the beginning is doing it wrong.”

  - Chapter 5, Out of Sorts

We can’t take someone else’s word for matters as important as these.  They are ours to wrestle with and figure out, to store and to give away.  That is what Sarah Bessey does in this book.  From issues ranging the gambit from Jesus to Community to Grief, she takes a hard look at the ideas that permeate our current Christian climate and then looks at them from a Biblical and historic view.  Even though, the book is written from her unique perspective,  it is quite easy to plug in your own sorting.

“Who do you say he is?  And not the proper Sunday-school answer, not the lists of attributes or the memorized Bible verses – not here, not in this place.  When we are sorting through our very core self, this isn’t the time for the mask of right answers.  This is the time for the honesty.  In your heart of hearts, in your raw place of grief and suffering, in your rich center of love and redemption, who do you say God is?  There, in that place, who is he to you now?”

- Chapter 10, Out of Sorts

Above all else, there is a value on Truth and honesty and a call for us to clear out the attic space of our own faith and to not be scared of what we might find.  There may be things that absolutely need to be tossed, but there may also be things of beauty that need to be restored.  We must be honest and claim each item no matter where it came from or when we received it.  There is beauty in that as well, because it is all a part of us.  It is all part of our journey.  However, we cannot simply hold on to things due to sentimentality.  We have to make the hard choices in this sorting process.  And whichever it is, it is up to us to begin this process and to be led by the Holy Spirit into all Truth.  And sorting.

“I know you feel a bit out of sorts.  We all do sometimes.  It’s okay.  Don’t be afraid.”

- Benediction, Out of Sorts