Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts

09 November 2015

This Life


I wish that I could say that it is no secret that I have been struggling lately.  And to some, maybe it has been.  However, my absence on blogging and social media point straight to my current plight.  I’ve leaned on a few friends and asked for a lot of prayer.

It’s been hard.  I can’t deny that.  I’m sure it is some form of pride that has caused me to shrink and not admit it.  But there it is.  There’s no way around it.  Life is hard.  No matter how much you have or how little you have.  It doesn’t matter if you are single, married, or dating, if you have no children, one child, or an entire herd.  Life is messy and complicated and difficult.

Now, to be sure, there are times when we bring the mess on ourselves and there are times when it is just out of our control.  So, what then?  If life is hard, then what do we do about it? 

I’m not sure I’m qualified to answer and I don’t know that there is a one size fits all answer.  Each mess is different.  No, I think that the key in any situation, in any mess, is your perspective.  Since we know that there will be messes and that life is hard, we just have to worry about how we are going to look at the mess.

For my recent situation, I have let the mess consume me.  I have treated the mess as if it was in control instead of realizing who actually was in control (answer: God).  I have wallowed in the mess, which is easy to do.  I lost sight of the fact that I live in a big world with lots of messes and lots of lives.  I spent almost one whole day on the couch crying about my mess (how selfish is that?).

Honestly, my mess is pretty bad.  It is easy to let it take over.  But that’s not what I’m called to do.  I’m not called to wallow.  Paul Tripp once said, “Sin reduces the size of your life, to the size of your life.” (What Did You Expect?) And, boy, did I let myself get there.  There was nothing outside of me.  I spent most of my day thinking about my situation, my mess, my problems.

Then  there was that day, the one spent on the couch crying.  I felt a little tug to text a friend.  In my despair, I almost dismissed it.  But I didn’t.  I texted her and let her know that I was thinking of her and that I missed her the previous night at church.  That reminded me that another friend wasn’t at church so I texted her.  Before long, I was in text conversations with both women.  One was committing to pray for me and what I was going through.  The other was sharing that she was going through a mess of her own.

It wasn’t long before I was no longer crying but praying for my friend and her mess and praising for the friend who had offered to share my burden (even though she didn’t really even know what it was).  That perspective shift was what I needed at that moment to remind me that I wasn’t the only one in a mess and that I wasn’t alone to take care of my mess.

When we are dealing with these complicated issue of life (and they are!), we have to be attentive, too.  We can’t allow the mess to close us off and isolate ourselves.  There are those out there that are willing to share your burden and there are those who may need you to share theirs.  Even if you are in a mess, you can still pray for those around you.


Prayer and perspective.  They kind of go hand in hand at times, don’t they?  We can’t stop praying.  And when the time seems hopeless, we have to remember to pray for that perspective.  For God to show us that He is sovereign and no matter how messy our situation might be, He is good and He’s got this.

08 February 2015

Sincere Thoughts from my Heart

Have you ever felt lost and undone?  I thought I had.  I have always had a bit of a flair for the melodramatic.  As a child, even a perceived slight could send me over the edge.  I like to think that this has been tempered as I've grown.  I still have my moments, but with maturity has come some discretion.

And yet, as I sit here, I feel a sense of utter... hopelessness?  loss? turmoil?  I don't even know what the right word is.  I know that whatever I felt in the past was merely a child's fantasy compared to the heartache and pain I feel now.  It is so complete that I have trouble catching my breath and feel that at any moment I may be crushed completely by it's heaviness.

I know that it is only temporary, because things of this world are.  But it doesn't feel that way right now.  It feels as if there is no end in sight.  All that is ahead is more pain and problems and bad.  This, though, is also a cause to be thankful.  I'm glad that I am not ruled by my feelings.  I'm glad that I've had instruction and devotion to the idea of "taking my thoughts captive," as the apostle Paul instructs. I don't have to give in to this feeling of terror and hopelessness.  I feel them to be sure.  They are currently choking me with their intensity and I barely have a reprieve from my tears to type this out.  But they don't own me and they can't completely consume me because there is a part of me that no longer belongs to me.  That is the part I must listen to and rely on.

The other truth of this, there are very real circumstances behind these fickle feelings.  There are things in my life that are bad and wrong and I have no clue when or how they will change.  It may take a while and it may be uncomfortable.  This is truth.  However, I am not alone.  I don't suffer alone.  I like to think that I do because I have a tendency to hide myself away while I'm dealing with such horrible things.  Yet, no matter how hard I try to recede, God is always there.  He is beside me and within me.  This is the comfort that while I abide in Him and in His Word while things are rosy, He will abide in me as well, especially when things aren't.

I also have friends and family.  Some of what I'm going through, they are, too.  We struggle together.  I can be thankful that God sends people when you need them.  Though many are unaware of what is going on at this moment, it's okay.  

I'm also keenly aware that my current struggle and state aren't as bad as it could be.  Part of my heartache is for a friend  who is on the verge of the battle of his life, literally.  I share their pain and it breaks my heart.  It does not devalidate what I am going through, but it does give perspective.

The current, sincere prayer of my heart is that God would lead and guide me through this moment of despair and help me to honor and glorify Him through it.  I pray that it will not last long, but even if it does, I pray that He will help me to lean into Him and not anywhere else.  I pray that He be with my friends as they go through their own severe time and that healing and comfort would be upon them.  

God be with us.