A Year of Peace

My word for this year was Peace.  I would have to say that I am unsure of my success regarding my year of peace.  I may be a bit more peaceful now than I was last year at this time.  By and large, I am not what most would call peaceful.  Most of my friends know that anxiety is something that plagues me.

Now, as I said, I haven’t quite mastered the idea of peace.  However, several good things have come from a year dedicated to the pursuit of peace.  I have learned a great deal, beginning with the idea of what is the enemy of peace?  This answer may vary for many, but for me, the enemy of my peace was my anxiety and fear. 

I had to find out the root of my anxiety and fear:  lack of faith.  So, there it was; the actual obstacle that I had to overcome.  I’m still working toward it.  Faith is hard for me.  I’m not sure the cause, maybe it is the stubbornness of being from the “Show Me State.”  Regardless, it is something that I am consistently battling and working toward.

The other cool thing about my word this year is how much it popped up!  I couldn’t believe how much just the word PEACE showed up in my every day life.  Before I’d even made it home from the holidays, my parent’s pastor preached a short series on the lack of peace and it’s enemy anxiety.  I also taught a series from the Gospel according to John, which has a LOT to say about peace.  Or maybe that is just where my heart was.

I also made some amazing, Godly friends this year.  And it has been mind-blowing how often one of these great ladies would send me a message, text, note, or gift that in some way brought me back to peace.  Verses have been given that were the exact thing that I needed at that exact moment (Ex  14:14).  It has been a blessing that I didn’t even know to hope for.

So, how would I characterize my progress toward peace?  Well, like most things, it is a process.  I’m definitely not where I want, or need, to be.  But I am working closer to that direction.  If nothing else, I am way more aware of peace and my need for it.  And that is a very, very good thing.

Monday's Sitrep...

Well, I have to say that things are not going well.  To be more precise, "not going well," is an astronomical understatement.

To date, I have failed to go to the fitness center even once, go to any fitness class, pick up my "January" books, or well, much of anything that was on my list on Friday.  Yes, as I said, I'm on fire.  Also, the new and improved schedule?  Well, lets just say, getting a meal ready at a certain time is not my strong point.  Neither is getting to bed or getting up at the designated time.  Nor is getting started with Chas' school on time.  Yes, so basically EVERYTHING on the schedule.  Sigh.

Yet.  I have had one minor success.  The book that I'm reading all year?  The Making of an Ordinary Saint by Nathan Foster.  Well, I did start that.  This month's discipline is: Submission.  I don't know if you have ever discussed this in a group before, but it can get very interesting very quickly.  I've heard everything from a call to change the word (not the idea, just the word) to the ideas of blind submission.

To be perfectly honest, I don't have much of a problem with this.  I understand the Biblical concept and I like it.  I'm so a "liberty within bounds" kind of girl.  Give me complete freedom and I feel oppressed (As was  evidenced recently on a trip to the Goodwill with a close friend.  So.  Many.  Clothes.)  I just can't handle it.  Give me parameters and I can thrive.  Now, this is a sweeping generalization, but for the most part it fits.

I didn't think too much about studying submission this month and didn't think too much of the fact that I was starting so late into the month.  I didn't wrestle with submission and I was good at it (for the most part).  I erred at times, but I wasn't expecting any earth shattering revelations either.

I was wrong.  In reading Mr. Foster's chapter on submission, I was shocked to realize that what I had described in my word for the year as peace, was more akin to submission (Peace is still my word and I'm still working on cultivating that).  When I found peace in the situations I described, it was because I had submitted myself to God.  Instead of worrying and trying to figure things out in advance, I had stopped and submitted my will to His.  It created a peace in me that has inspired me to seek it more and more.

This is significant.  Especially in a week where I already feel like such a failure (why, yes, it is 11:44pm and I'm not in bed yet).  I needed that encouragement.  I needed to know that even though I am failing, I'm not a failure.  I am still learning and progressing, even if it is at a glacial pace.

I have learned that in order to continue to pursue Peace, I must practice submission, not just in the ways that I'm used to.  No, I must seek out ways to submit.  I must foster a heart that is willing to submit even when it is hard and even when I don't want to.  This is what I'm called to in obedience to Jesus, the Prince of Peace.

And 2015's Word is...

Peace.

I have already shared this on Facebook and with friends.  Last year, I didn't get my word until the end of January.  After going out with a friend for her birthday, I came home and couldn't sleep.  So, instead of turning on the TV like normal, I decided to read my Bible.  I opened it to Proverbs and wisdom just starting staring me in the face.  Picking a word for the year was a fad that I had no intention of joining.  Yet, with God's Word staring me in the face, I couldn't say no.

For 2015, I got my word EARLY.  Like, beginning of December early.  I have a general disposition of being stressed and full of worry.  Those who know me best are well aware of this.  I would say that I can't help it, but honestly, we all know I can.  So, Peace as my word came to me like this.

One day, I went grocery shopping.  Ordinarily I love to grocery shop.  It's my happy place.  But this day, it seemed to take forever.  I was already beginning to stress about getting finished, getting everything home, unloading it all, finishing up some stuff at the house, and then I had to cook what I'd just bought!  I was completely worn out and I hadn't done anything yet.  This was a typical MO for me.  There were weeks when I was tired and crazed on Monday because I was so busy looking at all that had to be accomplished by Friday.

But, on this day I decided to change it.  Having been seeking wisdom, I thought about the absolute silliness of my situation.  Why on earth was I considering the things ahead of me, when I hadn't even finished the task I was doing?  So, I stopped.  I simply thought about what I was doing right then and opted to seek the wisdom of not borrowing from tomorrow's (or the next hour's) troubles.  I was amazed at the sense that overcame me.  I can only describe it as peace.

So, when I did get home, my boys helped me unload the groceries and put things away.  Once again, I wasn't stressing.  I wasn't casting furtive glances at the clock and calculating how much time I had to do what.  I simply focused on the task before me and got it done.

Once that was done, I thought about the things that I had left unfinished and prioritized them and set about doing those.  I was amazed at how they just flew by.  Tasks that I thought would take at least 2 hours were done in 30 minutes!  I actually had time to sit and relax before beginning dinner.  It was a completely new thing for me.  Not only was I not perpetually stressed, but I really had time to cruise Facebook or Pinterest?

I still had this on my mind, a few weeks later when I had to plan for a Christmas Cookie Exchange that I was hosting (whew! THAT is another post altogether).  Being the stressed worrier that I am, hosting any kind of event from a few friends for dinner to parties and everything in between tends to send me, and by extension my family, into a whirlwind.  But then I remembered that peaceful day and how I had tried to incorporate that mentality since then.

So, the week of the party, I drew up a list of the things that needed to be done.  There was a lot.  I made the decision NOT to be overwhelmed and instead, I prioritized the list and separated it into the days that I thought were reasonable to accomplish the tasks.  It would be busy, but it seemed manageable.  No need to worry.

On Day 2, at around 10am, I realized that I had already accomplished my daily tasks and party tasks.  So, I looked to see what could be done from the next day's tasks.  And then did those!  I was amazed.  By the time, the party day arrived, I was almost ahead of schedule.  There were those pesky time sensitive things that you just have to wait until the last minute to do, but still.  I was amazed at how little I was stressed.  I even had time to sit and relax for a while before my guests (all 2 of them!) showed up.  It was awesome.

After reflecting on all this, I knew what God was showing me.  Peace.  That is what had been lacking.  It wasn't that the tasks were that much simpler or that I was actually getting things done quicker.  With the peaceful mindset, I had a different perspective.  I was able to see things differently and be much calmer while prioritizing and accomplishing them.  A sense of peace doesn't eliminate trouble, it just helps us deal with it all better.  This is what God wanted to cultivate in me in 2015.  This was to be my focus.

Now, I have my word.  I have my thoughts.  God has already been using this to introduce Himself to me as Provider (with Wisdom, came God as Creator).  All is going smoothly, right?  Uh, no.  I'm still panicky and stressed and worrisome.  But then again, it is still January.  I'm still measuring progress in minutes.  Hopefully, it will soon be hours and then days and so on.  And I am still pursuing wisdom.  I can't let that go in pursuit of peace.  After all, isn't it quite wise to pursue and cultivate peace?