Well, I have to say that things are not going well. To be more precise, "not going well," is an astronomical understatement.
To date, I have failed to go to the fitness center even once, go to any fitness class, pick up my "January" books, or well, much of anything that was on my list on Friday. Yes, as I said, I'm on fire. Also, the new and improved schedule? Well, lets just say, getting a meal ready at a certain time is not my strong point. Neither is getting to bed or getting up at the designated time. Nor is getting started with Chas' school on time. Yes, so basically EVERYTHING on the schedule. Sigh.
Yet. I have had one minor success. The book that I'm reading all year? The Making of an Ordinary Saint by Nathan Foster. Well, I did start that. This month's discipline is: Submission. I don't know if you have ever discussed this in a group before, but it can get very interesting very quickly. I've heard everything from a call to change the word (not the idea, just the word) to the ideas of blind submission.
To be perfectly honest, I don't have much of a problem with this. I understand the Biblical concept and I like it. I'm so a "liberty within bounds" kind of girl. Give me complete freedom and I feel oppressed (As was evidenced recently on a trip to the Goodwill with a close friend. So. Many. Clothes.) I just can't handle it. Give me parameters and I can thrive. Now, this is a sweeping generalization, but for the most part it fits.
I didn't think too much about studying submission this month and didn't think too much of the fact that I was starting so late into the month. I didn't wrestle with submission and I was good at it (for the most part). I erred at times, but I wasn't expecting any earth shattering revelations either.
I was wrong. In reading Mr. Foster's chapter on submission, I was shocked to realize that what I had described in my word for the year as peace, was more akin to submission (Peace is still my word and I'm still working on cultivating that). When I found peace in the situations I described, it was because I had submitted myself to God. Instead of worrying and trying to figure things out in advance, I had stopped and submitted my will to His. It created a peace in me that has inspired me to seek it more and more.
This is significant. Especially in a week where I already feel like such a failure (why, yes, it is 11:44pm and I'm not in bed yet). I needed that encouragement. I needed to know that even though I am failing, I'm not a failure. I am still learning and progressing, even if it is at a glacial pace.
I have learned that in order to continue to pursue Peace, I must practice submission, not just in the ways that I'm used to. No, I must seek out ways to submit. I must foster a heart that is willing to submit even when it is hard and even when I don't want to. This is what I'm called to in obedience to Jesus, the Prince of Peace.
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