June Challenge...

Halfway through the year, already.  It's hard to believe.  I'm scared to look at my list of 'resolutions' I made 6 months ago.  I never shared them because there'd be accountability if I did.  But I knew they were there.

Last month, after my surgery I was struck by a comment by a friend.  I told her I couldn't look down due to pain and therefor couldn't read.  She exclaimed, "Oh, that must have been awful for you!"  Here's the thing.  It wasn't.  I didn't even think much about it.  Part of that was due to pain and such, but mostly it was because I had gotten out of the habit.  

I haven't read in a few months.  Well, I haven't read anything worth reading.  I had been reading 'candy.'  And as a result when my husband handed me a scholarly work, something 'nutritious,' I almost couldn't handle it.  It was bad.  I realized just how 'out of shape' I have gotten.  There very well may be a correlation to my own physical shape as well.

So, as I think about having six months behind me and six months before me, I looked back over my reading goals.  I have two down.  That's two out of 24!  It's a miserable statistic.  I could forgive myself if I had been really busy, but I have no excuse.  So, for the month of June, I am going to try to get back to reading.  I am going to endeavor to turn off the Roku at night after Chas has gone to bed (unless the Hubs wants to watch a Doctor Who or Farscape) and read.  I want to look back over my list.  There are some good books there.  I need to get back to it.

Also, I was reminded in prayer this week about my 'One Word.'  I'm sure most saw the challenge to pick a word for the year back in January when everything was new and there was nothing but possibilities.  :)  My word was:  Wisdom.  I have not been very wise here lately and I have not been actively seeking wisdom.  I've fallen off the wagon, as it were.  I also want to do better with this.  I want this idea of seeking wisdom to color my choices.

I hope to incorporate more of those failed resolutions, but I have to be wise about it.  If I look back at this list, chances are it will be overwhelming.  Instead, I hope to incorporate these ideas slowly.  If I can master these two in June, maybe I can pick out another couple in July and so on.  Who knows, maybe I can actually have the whole list in practice by December.  Just in time for next year's resolutions.  But let's not get ahead of ourselves.  

I Did What?

I signed up for a 5K.  This is ridiculous for SO many reasons.  Namely, because I haven't run consistently for, oh, about 5 months or so.  Not to mention there is the whole recovering from surgery.  Oh, and did I mention that the day that I'm running, I'm also going to me working at an all-day event at my church?  Yes.  I am insane.  

It's been one week since I signed up and it's been 5 days since my surgeon cleared me for most activity.  Now, ask me how many times I've gotten on the treadmill.  Twice.  Yep, two times in two weeks.  I know, I know.  I'll be in fighting shape in NO time, right?  And both of those times I was walking at a snail's pace.  Old women at the mall walk faster.  Seriously.

So, why did I do this?  Well, for one, my BFF asked me.  She and her sister put together a team for this 5K.  It sounded like fun.  Even though she's supah skinny and still losing, she offered to walk with me if I need it.  I'm still all kinds of worried because I can just see me slowing the WHOLE team down.  Like seriously, I worry about that.  

Secondly, I did it because it was a goal.  It was a goal I made in January.  I wanted to do a 5K, now to be completely honest, I wanted to RUN a 5K, but I'll handle completing it even if I have to crawl.  Now, I have this thing out there.  I did it.  I paid a fee (and I don't play with non-refundables).  I'm signed up.  It's happening whether I train or not.  Now, it's up to me to get myself in gear and only moderately embarrass myself.

And lastly, because why not?  I'm not entering a super-competitive 5K.  Its one of those 'fun' ones.  So, maybe I do completely embarrass myself.  I drag the entire team down and they have a miserable time.  But what if I don't?  What if we all go and have a blast?  Do I really want to miss out because I'm scared?  The answer is no.  I want to try.  I want to succeed.  But even if I don't, at least I did something.

Now, I have 4 weeks, 6 days, and 21 hours to get at least a little tiny bit better than I am now.  It's going to be hard and I may not make it.  But I'm going to try.  I want to try.  And regardless of the outcome, at least I did it.

I Need a Break...

I was talking to my BFF tonight and explaining about how I'm still in pain from my surgery and my Aunt just passed away and I couldn't get to Missouri for the funeral because of doctor's appointments and the Hub's drill schedule and she's had a TON going on including a kindergarden graduation and also said kindergarder's birthday coming up.  I said to her, "We need a break."  And I meant it.  

In my mind, I was picturing a weekend getaway or a spa day.  Heck, I think I'd probably just be happy to have an afternoon to sit at Starbuck's and chill.  I didn't have a lot of time to fantasize, but I still had those thoughts in my head.  

A little bit later, after reading a few things, I was reminded of a pet peeve of mine.  I had read a lot of blogs and articles after Lent that talked about the Sabbath and the need to keep it holy.  Disclaimer: I agree with this.  However, I disagree with how most go about it.  I hovered over many a comment box, ready to give my opinion, but in the end, I never did.  The main reason is because I don't think what most were saying was wrong, just incomplete.

The Hubs took time while deployed to 'do nothing' and just recharge and relax.  It was a very stressful time and it took a lot out of him.  I hear of families who completely unplug one day a week.  We impose a few rules for Sundays in our own home (no tv or ipod before church, etc.).  However, why do we limit our Sabbath rest to one day a week and confine and constrict it in so many ways?

We have to remember that Jesus is our Sabbath.  We can tap into the Sabbath rest at any time.  I don't have to wait until Sunday (or Saturday) for a rest or break.  I can take it anytime I please, by merely spending time with my Savior.  

So, indeed, the BFF and I do need breaks.  We may even sincerely need a spa day or coffee break.  But we/I also really need to know that I don't have to wait for anything to get a break.  I can spend time with Jesus and get that rest and rejuvenation that will propel me on to a better day.

A little something new: Questions and linkup

So, I've never done anything like this before, but this just seemed like too much fun!  This week's linkup was hosted by one of my favorite sites Carrots for Michaelmas.  Here are my answers:

1. What's the scariest thing that's ever been in your yard?

Well, that would probably be a scorpion.  This was made infinitely scarier by the fact that it was directly behind Chas (he was 7 at the time).  We were living in the Mojave Desert at the time.  I didn't mind the lizzards and we were blessed to never see a trantula!

2. Beards.  Thumbs up or thumbs down?

At this point in time, thumbs WAY up!  Never been a fan of beards.  I blame it on the Hubs and being around military bases.  However, since he spent a little downtime last year cultivating a really nice beard, I have to say that I'm now a fan.  :)

3. If stuff breaks, can you fix it?

Not even a little.  I mean, when Chas was little and an arm popped off an action figure, I could pop it back on, sometimes.  But no, I am not a fix-it type person.  I have the Hubs for that.  He's very mechanical.

4. What was your first car?

1998 Ford Escort SE.  I LOVED that car.  That car was beautiful and it was freedom.  All the way up until we found out a car seat didn't fit in the back.  :(

5. How often do you eat out?

Too much.  Ideally, we eat out once a week on Sundays after church.  It's a family thing and we almost always end up running into church family.  We made it fun.  The Hubs, Chas, and I take turns picking places, so its a great way to get to eat at all those places that we normally wouldn't.  However, we do tend to stop at Noodles & Co. before buying groceries (can't shop on an empty stomach!) or a quick run to Chickffila here and there.  Sigh.

6. Why is your hair like that?

Well, I love my hair.  I had long, long hair until my junior year of high school.  Then I started cutting it, just a little here and there and I couldn't stop.  I love changing it up and cutting a new style was the quickest way to do that.  It got short, y'all.  And you can only cut for so long.  That's when I started experimenting with color.  Purple is still my fave, but I get the most compliments from the 'calico' style that I have now (brown with red and blond highlights).  And, once I got done with all the cutting, I decided to start growing it out again.  I love it long!  Ponytails rock.  I don't know how long I'll get it, but I see no end in sight since my hair grows at a snails pace.

I am a BAD patient...

I cannot stand to be out of commission.  I really can't.  I guess it's the rebel in me, but when I cannot do what I want to do when I want to do it, it kind of drives me insane.  Now, I don't necessarily mean when I am occupied, I more often mean incapacitated.  Sure, it's not great when I'm so busy that I can't get my laundry done, but I'm really upset when I'm sick or injured and just have to lie around and convalesce rather than doing whatever needs done.

I'm a bad patient, too.  I often oscillate between trying to overdo and underdo.  Oh, I feel better?  Let me just clean the house top to bottom for the next 6 hours. Or, no, I can't possibly put away the laundry I'm still recovering from that sneeze 3 weeks ago.  I don't want to make things worse, after all.

I am battling right now because I just had surgery last week.  It was something that needed to be done and that I had put off for around 2 years.  Not life threatening, but definitely life improving.  I'd gone to the doctor and listened when he talked and thought about things and planned.  The Hubs offered to cook the entire week following surgery!  However, I don't think I really prepared.  In my mind, somehow, when the doc said that immediate recovery was 3-7 days,  I heard, life will be completely normal almost immediately.  I still don't know where the disconnect was.  

I made menus and plans as if I would be the picture of health the Monday following my Friday surgery.  Sure, the Hubs said he'd cook for a week, but surely I'd be well enough to go to church on Sunday and take over cooking by Tuesday.  I even had unprepared veggies in the fridge, but I didn't worry.  I'll just do those on Monday.  Uh, yeah.  It hasn't gone like that.  At.  All.

I went in on Friday.  Still pretty clueless, as I found out.  I went under and, other than a small problem with my breathing tube, things went well.  It took me quite some time to come out of the anesthesia.  Maybe this started me off?  Because you see I couldn't quite understand all the guidelines and care instructions that were being given.  The Hubs was there and he listened well and, you know, cared for me.  It still created a bit of panic in me because I wasn't in control.  Of anything.

The days that followed were bad.  Not horrible.  I was getting better, but it wasn't the 'springing back' that I had envisioned for myself.  I had thought that I'd basically bounce back with little to no recovery.  I don't know where these delusions came from, but I was (and am) quite obviously wrong.

It's one week past, and I'm still struggling.  I know that I'm getting better, but it is SOOO slow.  I still have pain and swelling and other things that aren't polite to talk about here.  I haven't been to church or cooked one single meal.  It's really, really discouraging.  

But today.  Today, I got the urge to write.  I wasn't sure what I wanted to write.  I figured I would talk about recovery and praise the Hubs, and my BFF who brought me a meal, and church friends who have been ferrying Chas to and from church.  Then I started thinking about my attitude and perspective.  And my... lack of faith.  I have been horrible.  Sincerely.

At the risk of making an already long post longer, I just have to praise Jesus.  Because my recovery is going well.  I am getting better.  Things are good.  It is hard, though.  And I have to be careful because I have to strike that delicate balance between too much and too little.  Just like most things in life.

I also have to remind myself of the times when it is okay to sit and bask in the love of Jesus and when it's time to move ahead and love others.  I have to learn to be a better patient, taking care of myself and letting others take care of me, and I have to learn when to push myself forward and work through the pain.

The Four Pillars of Health...

I have sat in my fair share of military briefs and classes.  And I freely admit that I haved listened more to the Hubs than whatever Colonel or Captain might be adressing us.  I can't help it.  One of the best things that he ever covered was health.  I know, weird, right?  Not really.  It has always stuck with me and 'rang true' to what I have always thought.

The Hubs explains it like this:  we all have four pillars of health: mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical.  This makes sense since there are many facets to our overall health and they rely on each other.  Obviously, his focus as a chaplain was to talk about the spiritual side, but you can't do that and negate the other three.  It also, just so happens (wink, wink), that these pillars coincide with our command to love God with our Mind (mental), Heart (emotional), Soul (spiritual), and Strength (physical).

I understand that I can be in peak physical health, but off emotionally or mentally and that will affect my overall health.  Or I can be incredibly spiritual, daily Bible readings, weekly studies, fellowship, etc., but if I am eating nothing but hamburgers and ice cream, I'm not going to be what I ought.  If I let my mind run rampant in thought, but I work out every day, I'm not acheiving what I need to.  You get what I'm saying, right?  I am a whole person and because of that I cannot neglect any of these pillars.  To be overall healthy, I have to make sure that all my pillars are strong and standing upright.

This is no easy task and one, or another, may lean from time to time, but the goal is to keep each from falling down.  I struggle with this.  I want to be healthy.  Overall and not just one pillar.  I want to be strengthened so that I can love God with all my mind, heart, soul, and strength.  And this may mean denying myself that brownie and getting up early to work out.  It may mean turning off that tv show and reading a book, but not that one, an edifying one.  :)  I may (definitely) need to work on taking my thoughts captive and not reacting emotionally.

I have struggled with this, an each pillar, for some time.  I believe the key to this is deliberate, intentional living.  So, often we are reactionary, living life by reacting to whatever is happening TO us at that moment.  I think we need to be proactive.  We need to live life and not just have life 'happen.'  I need to be proactive and live life.  I try and fail, but I can't let failure deter me.

I'm a planner, but not much of a doer.  I LOVE to plan.  This time, I have to follow through, even- no, especially when my plan falls apart.  I hope to do better with blogging so that I can show my successes (and failures) with all of this.

Liturgical Fail

So, it's been a while.  I'll go ahead and admit that part of this is shame.  Shame, I tell you!  You see, with all the greatest plans in the world in place, I completely failed Lent.  I'm not sure I 'gave' up or 'took' up any of the things I had on my mind.  I didn't help my son.  And even though there was so much fail, I knew it could be redeemed, but life just kept getting in the way.  I guess this probably happens pretty often when non-liturgicals try something new like this.  I just have no experience.  I hope I can learn from this year for next.  

It was the same with Holy Week.  I got sick.  My parents came for Palm Sunday.  We had friends over on Maundy Thursday.  It was just very hard to work anything out and I was totally unprepared.  We did have a fun Resurrection Day and I was able to fill our sacrifice jars (thanks to the Hubs and a late night run for M&M's).

I do feel bad about it, but I really am trying not to feel guilty (I was joking about the shame earlier).  I will only feel guilty if I give up and don't learn.  I'm really new to this whole liturgical year stuff.  I have to take what I learn this year and roll that over into next year and keep doing that.  

So, what's on the horizon?  Well, since I've kinda been picking and choosing from the Liturgical Year, next up for us is Ascension Day.  What will we be doing?  How will we celebrate?  I do not know, yet.  I need to get on that.  It's only three and a half weeks away!  :)

Until then, happy Cinco de Mayo!  I need to go get my groceries for my enchiladas.  Or tacos.  Or quesadillas.  Can we celebrate all week?