Oh, My Books...

Does anyone else make book lists for the year?  One of my favorite bloggers clued me in to this.  I started in 2014 and made an incredible ambitious list that included several classics, such as Plato's Republic and Jane Eyre, as well as several books that I guess can best be described as theological?

I'm very sad to say that I only read 4 of my 24 books*.  That's not to say that I only read 4 books in 2014 (perish the thought!), but of all the books I read, only 4 were on my list.  I posted about the first one I completed.  I was pretty excited.  If only I had carried that through the rest of the list!

In any event, I have made my list for 2015.  I really want to do better this year.  I decided to split it up, thusly (yeah, I said it).  I figure I can realistically probably ready 2 books a month (with the books that I have chosen).  So, I picked 11 works of literature and 11 non-fiction (theological-ish) books.  That way I can read one fiction and one nonfiction book a month, when I tire of one, I can switch to the other.  I'm also leaving two slots open for new books that catch my fancy.  (8 days into the year and it's already happened)

Now, one of the books is on the subject of Spiritual Discipline, of which there are 12.  So, I decided to focus on one discipline a month (more on that in future posts).  This means that I will be reading one book over the course of the year, one chapter a month (this will also teach me the discipline of patience because I can't imagine taking a year to complete a book).

And without further ado, here's my list:

  1. Has Christianity Failed You? by Ravi Zacharias
  2. Emma by Jane Austen

  3. Housewife Theologian by Aimee Byrd
  4.  The Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allen Poe

  5. The Blue Parakeet by Scot McKnight
  6. Jane Eyre by Emily Bronte

  7. The Beloved Disciple by Beth Moore
  8. Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (haven't decided which story yet)

  9. Reshaping It All by Candace Cameron Bure
10. Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling

11.  Three Free Sins by Scott Brown
12.  A Midsummer's Night Dream by William Shakespeare

13.  Orthodoxy by GK Chesterton
14.  Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery

15.  Restless by Jennie Allen

16.  Faith Unraveled by Rachel Held Evans
17.  Walden by Henry David Thoreau

18.  Crazy Love by Francis Chan
19.  Notes from a Blue Bike by Tsh Oxenreider

20.  Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker (this has already changed from 7 also by Jen Hatmaker)
21.  A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

22.  The Making of an Ordinary Saint by Nathan Foster -  this is the book I will read over the course of the year.

Some of these are new to me and some are classics that I love and can't wait to re-read.  Some are books that I've picked up and started to read and didn't get through (rare, but it happens).  It's not an overly ambitious list, that's for sure, but I wanted to be realistic and leave room open for any new books that might come my way.

If you have read any of these, let me know what you thought.  Or if you have a book list, please share it.

*The books from my list that I actually finished for 2014 are:  Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist, A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans, Soul Detox by Craig Groeschel, and Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey

And 2015's Word is...

Peace.

I have already shared this on Facebook and with friends.  Last year, I didn't get my word until the end of January.  After going out with a friend for her birthday, I came home and couldn't sleep.  So, instead of turning on the TV like normal, I decided to read my Bible.  I opened it to Proverbs and wisdom just starting staring me in the face.  Picking a word for the year was a fad that I had no intention of joining.  Yet, with God's Word staring me in the face, I couldn't say no.

For 2015, I got my word EARLY.  Like, beginning of December early.  I have a general disposition of being stressed and full of worry.  Those who know me best are well aware of this.  I would say that I can't help it, but honestly, we all know I can.  So, Peace as my word came to me like this.

One day, I went grocery shopping.  Ordinarily I love to grocery shop.  It's my happy place.  But this day, it seemed to take forever.  I was already beginning to stress about getting finished, getting everything home, unloading it all, finishing up some stuff at the house, and then I had to cook what I'd just bought!  I was completely worn out and I hadn't done anything yet.  This was a typical MO for me.  There were weeks when I was tired and crazed on Monday because I was so busy looking at all that had to be accomplished by Friday.

But, on this day I decided to change it.  Having been seeking wisdom, I thought about the absolute silliness of my situation.  Why on earth was I considering the things ahead of me, when I hadn't even finished the task I was doing?  So, I stopped.  I simply thought about what I was doing right then and opted to seek the wisdom of not borrowing from tomorrow's (or the next hour's) troubles.  I was amazed at the sense that overcame me.  I can only describe it as peace.

So, when I did get home, my boys helped me unload the groceries and put things away.  Once again, I wasn't stressing.  I wasn't casting furtive glances at the clock and calculating how much time I had to do what.  I simply focused on the task before me and got it done.

Once that was done, I thought about the things that I had left unfinished and prioritized them and set about doing those.  I was amazed at how they just flew by.  Tasks that I thought would take at least 2 hours were done in 30 minutes!  I actually had time to sit and relax before beginning dinner.  It was a completely new thing for me.  Not only was I not perpetually stressed, but I really had time to cruise Facebook or Pinterest?

I still had this on my mind, a few weeks later when I had to plan for a Christmas Cookie Exchange that I was hosting (whew! THAT is another post altogether).  Being the stressed worrier that I am, hosting any kind of event from a few friends for dinner to parties and everything in between tends to send me, and by extension my family, into a whirlwind.  But then I remembered that peaceful day and how I had tried to incorporate that mentality since then.

So, the week of the party, I drew up a list of the things that needed to be done.  There was a lot.  I made the decision NOT to be overwhelmed and instead, I prioritized the list and separated it into the days that I thought were reasonable to accomplish the tasks.  It would be busy, but it seemed manageable.  No need to worry.

On Day 2, at around 10am, I realized that I had already accomplished my daily tasks and party tasks.  So, I looked to see what could be done from the next day's tasks.  And then did those!  I was amazed.  By the time, the party day arrived, I was almost ahead of schedule.  There were those pesky time sensitive things that you just have to wait until the last minute to do, but still.  I was amazed at how little I was stressed.  I even had time to sit and relax for a while before my guests (all 2 of them!) showed up.  It was awesome.

After reflecting on all this, I knew what God was showing me.  Peace.  That is what had been lacking.  It wasn't that the tasks were that much simpler or that I was actually getting things done quicker.  With the peaceful mindset, I had a different perspective.  I was able to see things differently and be much calmer while prioritizing and accomplishing them.  A sense of peace doesn't eliminate trouble, it just helps us deal with it all better.  This is what God wanted to cultivate in me in 2015.  This was to be my focus.

Now, I have my word.  I have my thoughts.  God has already been using this to introduce Himself to me as Provider (with Wisdom, came God as Creator).  All is going smoothly, right?  Uh, no.  I'm still panicky and stressed and worrisome.  But then again, it is still January.  I'm still measuring progress in minutes.  Hopefully, it will soon be hours and then days and so on.  And I am still pursuing wisdom.  I can't let that go in pursuit of peace.  After all, isn't it quite wise to pursue and cultivate peace?

Resolutions and revelations...

It's cold.  Like really, really, really cold.  Suddenly the hashtag #stupidcold doesn't seem so silly.  I think most of the country knows what I'm talking about.

It's also our first day back to school for this semester/2015.  I'm not sure why I get so pumped about a new year or school year.  Do others do this?  Excitement about being able to start over or start new?  Shouldn't every day be like that?  After all, we are told that God's mercies are made new each morning.

Since we spent, a lot of time with my family for Christmas and didn't get home until 5 Jan and we needed to get settled, it hasn't really felt like the new year until today.  We instituted our "new & improved" daily schedule (which had me getting up at 6:30 this morning.  Yawn.)  I love a good schedule, a sense of purpose and structure to my day.  I even cleaned my upstairs bathroom this morning.  That's what my new & improved schedule said for the day!

Toward the end of 2014, I looked back on my resolutions, my book list, and our long discarded schedule.  It was a little discouraging.  I only accomplished one measurable resolution, read 5 of 24 books, and, well, I think the modifier "long-discarded" sums up the schedule.

I also reflected on my "one word" for 2014, which was "wisdom."  Did I become wise in 2014?  No.  Did I learn more about wisdom?  Yes.  And no.  Did I lose track of seeking wisdom?  Yes.  Did I try to regain my journey toward wisdom?  Yes.  It was imperfect progress, to be sure, but I do think there was progress.

In my attempt to think about and meditate on wisdom, I learned a lot about God.  I discovered Him as Creator, in a whole new way.  Seeking wise choices and wise paths taught me the need to be much more deliberate in all things.  Having this thought in the back of my mind made me notice wisdom every time it popped up in Scripture reading, in conversation, in entertainment.

So, even though 2014 wasn't the year that I became wise, it was still a fruitful experiment and I did learn a lot.  I also realized that there wasn't a need to be discouraged.  Change can happen overnight, but it can also happen deliberately over the course of time.  I may not have become as wise as Solomon, or Jesus, but I do hope that I'm a little more so than I was a year ago.  If nothing else, my eyes are open to the places where more progress is needed.

Instead of discarding those unmet resolutions, I have carried over the ones I think are fruitful and reworded a couple others.  And then added a few more.  I may or may not meet them in 2015, but I want to try.  I won't give up.  I also have my new reading list for 2015 (with a few carry-overs and a few new), and I've already shared about the new schedule (yay!).

I hope to blog more in 2015 (I blogged more in 2014 than ever before) and share about my imperfect progress and other goings on.  Hopefully, I will post next week and share my word (and reasons) for this year.

All Power is God's Power

A dear brother was once preaching about... well, to be honest, I can't remember the topic of the sermon.  Or the text.  Or the theme.  I remember the preacher.  And the church.  And one particular statement:  All Power is GOD's Power!

I got a little stuck on this idea.  I called the Hubs (I was out of town) and talked about this idea.  "Is all power really God's power?" I asked.  "Well, yes," he replied.  "God is the creator and sustainor of our universe.  All power is His."

This was revolutionary to me.  All power is God's power.  As I was running late to drop Chas off at school (before homeschooling) and didn't have time to stop for gas because the next tardy meant detention and I really didn't want him to pay for my mistake.  Then I remembered.  All power is God's power.  It is't the gas that is making this car go.  It is God.  Yes, most of the time God works through the blessing of gas in an internal combustion engine, but he certainly doesn't have to.

When I was trying to drive my husband's old '76 Chevy that had a STANDARD!  It was UGLY, people.  But I continued to tell myself, it isn't this clutch and fly wheel that is making this car go (or in my case, stutter, stall, and not go), it is God.  All power is His power and He can make this pickup go.

These sound silly and far-fetched (and oddly all automobile related), I know.  Most people don't think this way.  God is needed for the "Big Stuff."  Healings of diseases and for salvation of the lost.  For protection around soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines in harm's way.  To comfort the families of those who have lost loved ones or are struggling.  This is God's "job" right?  This is where and when we pray; for the Big Stuff.

No.  We are to pray always, for everything.  Not because God needs a constant rundown of what is going on in our minds or our lives, but because of what that constant communication does.  As we look to God (creator and sustainor) for all things, from what are we going to make for dinner that night, to what to wear to a friend's for dinner, to how on earth to teach aesthetics to my freshman son, something truly miraculous happens.  We get closer to God.  We develop a deep and sincere relationship with Him.

Imagine for a minute, if you are married (if not, imagine your best friend), that you only talked to your spouse about big things.  You only discussed bill payments and vacations and house repairs.  What kind of relationship would you have?  It wouldn't be very close.  It would be pretty shallow.  Most people that are on the outside looking in would wonder if there was even love there at all.

This is why God wants us to come to Him with the mundane, the ordinary, the lackluster.  This is where most of us live daily.  If we only wait on the Big Stuff, then we miss out on a daily closeness and growing relationship with Him.  If we fail to acknowledge God's power in the small day-to-day things, then we fail to acknowledge just how GREAT a God He truly is.  

Don't miss out.  Don't fail to look for the tiny miracles that make up every day.  Don't fail to keep your eyes open for opportunities to share all the little moments with God.  Because one day, when you turn around  and look back, all those little moments will add up to one great big life full of our Lord.  Each tiny moment will blend into the next until all you have is a life lived with Him at the center and a deep abiding love to show for it.

Long time, no read...

So, I am not quite sure that anyone out there reads this, but regardless, it has been a good long while since I've written.  Again.  I don't know why I do so well for a while and then tend to fall off.  In any event, here I am... with nothing much to say... yet.  (see what I did there).

Hopefully, I will get back into the swing of things.  I have a little challenge that I've made with myself (hopefully, I'll win).  I want to write more whether or not my mom is the only one out there reading this stuff (JK, my mom totally doesn't even read my blog).  

With that in mind, I kinda wanted to share a little something that I needed today.  

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."  John 14:27 (ESV)

I have struggled a lot lately with fear.  It has gripped me and it has dehibilitated me in major ways.  I have many fears, but they all tend to come back to the great fear of the unknown.  In the end, it doesn't matter where the fear originates, it is wrong.  I am a Christian, a follower of Christ.  Because of that alone, I should not fear.  I shouldn't look at what may be around the corner, but focus on what is right now.

The other side of this is the peace issue.  I serve a God of peace and He has placed that peace within me.  I think we often misunderstand what peace actually is.  It isn't the absence of trouble.  It isn't a serene, calm feeling.  No, peace is merely resting in the knowledge that it is all okay.  You see, many Christian bretheren are constantly martyred all over the world.  They may or may not have a calm, serene feeling, but you can rest assured that they have peace.  They have the inherent bone deep knowledge that it is going to be okay, no matter what 'it' may be.   That is the peace of God; that is the peace all christians should seek.

Peace and fear can rarely, if ever, coexist.  If we truly hold the belief that it will all work to God's honor and our good, then it is hard to fear, even when the circumstaces seem dire.  In times past, many Christians would sing, shout, or say 'Hallelujah' but I think that we have forgotten what that means.  It isn't an affirmation or a declaration of agreement.  Hallelujah isn't an Amen (Let it be so).  No, hallelujah is a victory cry.  It is what is said at the end of the battle when it is won!  You see, we can cry hallelujah even in the midst of battle, because we know where the victory lies and who is for us.  When we stand with Christ, we don't have to wonder or worry about the outcome because the outcome is already secured.  We are His and He is our Victor!  To know Him and that victory is true and everlasting peace that can chase away each and every fear.                                                                                                      

Yay, Running!

Well... I did it!  I did my first 5K.  It was a lot of fun, too.  I signed up a while back and I didn't know everyone in my group, but my BFF was 'running' with me.  And we rocked it.  Hard.

It wasn't a serious run, it was a fun run, but that's okay.  We did it!  I finished.  I didn't stop.  I worked hard for several weeks before hand.  The Hubs helped.  We went to the track 3 days a week and did 3 miles each time.  Even that was really fun!  So much so, that I am already looking to the next one.  It will probably be another fun one (I'm looking to the Color Run, but I haven't decided yet) because I just don't think I'll be ready.  I'm still walking more than I'm running, but I'm getting there.

Oh, wretched (wo)man that I am...

Okay, so here I am again.  My jeans are tight.  My summer wardrobe will once again consist of baggy tee shirts and jeans (or jean capris if it is really warm).  I'll be turning down quite a few social engagements because I don't have anything to wear and refuse to go get clothes in a bigger size.  I'm disgusted as I sit here and type and see the muffin top that is more like a full blown cake.

It wasn't like this a month ago, or nine months ago.  Last summer I got 'serious.'  I had an accountability partner.  I started exercising, for real.  I counted calories!  I was in a weigh-loss Bible study, y'all.  I mean it when I say that things were going good.  In total, I lost around 15lbs.  I was happy and energetic.  I even got to the point when I enjoyed exercise.  "So, what happened?" you ask.  I remember it SO clearly.  We went to visit my parents.  My mom cooked.  She doesn't cook for us super often, but I'm not lying when I tell you that my mom is an AMAZING cook.  When we sat down, she apologized.  She knew that I had been working at it and had seen results and her delectable Southern offerings weren't exactly in my meal plan.  I told her it was no big and helped myself to more butter dripping green beans and an extra roll.  I had kinda 'earned' it after all.  And my plan was not denying myself, but rather I was just eating less calories that I burned.  And it was working!  I told myself that like after I had splurged on a happy birthday to me meal and cake, I'd just work out a little more the next day.  Then the next day came around and I was tired from traveling and the treadmill was in Chas' room so I'd have to wait for him to get up, so I can skip today, right?  Then we traveled on the next day to sell our land (Hello, emotional eating!  I remember you!).  And I couldn't exercise while traveling, it was just too much.  It was just going to be 3 days after all and I normally go weekends without exercise.  Now, that I was home, I would start back.  Only I woke up Monday morning sick.  I can't exercise while sick and I don't feel like cooking so, I'll just eat this pizza and start back when I feel better...

I could go on, but I think you get the picture.  You see, I can pinpoint everything back to that one meal, but really it started just before that.  I can remember putting on an outfit and being TICKLED at how well it fit and how good I felt.  That was it.  That was the point in which everything began to crumble.  After all, I had arrived.  I was losing weight and feeling great.  This was what it was about.  I was doing it all the 'right way,' too.  I was eating less and moving more.  It was sure to stay off this time.  Then one slip led to another and another and another.  Sure, I tried to get back on the wagon, but I just couldn't seem to get momentum or traction again.  Then the pants kept getting tighter and the sweaters baggier.  Winter is a great time for gaining weight.

And now it's spring, with summer just a stone's throw away.  I can see the pool from my backporch.  Swimsuits and shorts and sun.  It should be fun, but I can't enjoy any of it.  I'm already stressing about what I'll do and wear.  And I hate myself for it.  Then I hate myself for hating myself.  The cycle is endless and awful.  The worst part is that I know what to do.  I did it and it worked.

Which is why I HAVE to begin again.  Last time, it was a friend who spurred me on.  We talked about our struggles with weight and it really kicked me into gear.  I began the next day.  I was in a situation where it was easy to work out and eat well and then when circumstances changed, I continued.  Now, my motivation is different.  I'm trying not to focus on the jeans that I'm wearing that are tighter than they should be.  I want my focus to be where it should.  I want to be healthy, not skinny.  I want my cholesterol and blood pressure to go down.  I want my body to work for me the way that it should and I want to do this so that I can work for God and heed His call.  I can't promise that I'll keep my mind on that motivation.  I'm already thinking about buying new and cute clothes, not being self loathing, being able to run with my son, and feeling attractive.  I don't want my focus to stay there, though.

It's going to be tough, too.  I have a surgery scheduled for tomorrow and I don't know how long I'll be out of commission.  I hope it's just a matter of days and not longer.  But I am signing up for a 5K in 2 months.  Will I be ready?  No.  Will I make a fool of myself?  Probably.  Will I have fun anyway?  I hope so.  I'll be running with a group and they are all skinnier and more fit, but I have to push myself.  I have 9 weeks and 2 days to work on it.  It's not enough time to be able to run, but it is enough time to hopefully not die when I do it.

I am giving myself 2 weeks to recuperate.  I hope I can keep my moto that long.  I want to hit it all hardcore, but I don't think it will be feasible.  I'll be doing a lot of traveling in June.  Regardless, I know what to do.  I have to eat less, move more, pray more.  I hope to document progress.  I hope that I can get on the right track and finally stay there.