All Power is God's Power

A dear brother was once preaching about... well, to be honest, I can't remember the topic of the sermon.  Or the text.  Or the theme.  I remember the preacher.  And the church.  And one particular statement:  All Power is GOD's Power!

I got a little stuck on this idea.  I called the Hubs (I was out of town) and talked about this idea.  "Is all power really God's power?" I asked.  "Well, yes," he replied.  "God is the creator and sustainor of our universe.  All power is His."

This was revolutionary to me.  All power is God's power.  As I was running late to drop Chas off at school (before homeschooling) and didn't have time to stop for gas because the next tardy meant detention and I really didn't want him to pay for my mistake.  Then I remembered.  All power is God's power.  It is't the gas that is making this car go.  It is God.  Yes, most of the time God works through the blessing of gas in an internal combustion engine, but he certainly doesn't have to.

When I was trying to drive my husband's old '76 Chevy that had a STANDARD!  It was UGLY, people.  But I continued to tell myself, it isn't this clutch and fly wheel that is making this car go (or in my case, stutter, stall, and not go), it is God.  All power is His power and He can make this pickup go.

These sound silly and far-fetched (and oddly all automobile related), I know.  Most people don't think this way.  God is needed for the "Big Stuff."  Healings of diseases and for salvation of the lost.  For protection around soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines in harm's way.  To comfort the families of those who have lost loved ones or are struggling.  This is God's "job" right?  This is where and when we pray; for the Big Stuff.

No.  We are to pray always, for everything.  Not because God needs a constant rundown of what is going on in our minds or our lives, but because of what that constant communication does.  As we look to God (creator and sustainor) for all things, from what are we going to make for dinner that night, to what to wear to a friend's for dinner, to how on earth to teach aesthetics to my freshman son, something truly miraculous happens.  We get closer to God.  We develop a deep and sincere relationship with Him.

Imagine for a minute, if you are married (if not, imagine your best friend), that you only talked to your spouse about big things.  You only discussed bill payments and vacations and house repairs.  What kind of relationship would you have?  It wouldn't be very close.  It would be pretty shallow.  Most people that are on the outside looking in would wonder if there was even love there at all.

This is why God wants us to come to Him with the mundane, the ordinary, the lackluster.  This is where most of us live daily.  If we only wait on the Big Stuff, then we miss out on a daily closeness and growing relationship with Him.  If we fail to acknowledge God's power in the small day-to-day things, then we fail to acknowledge just how GREAT a God He truly is.  

Don't miss out.  Don't fail to look for the tiny miracles that make up every day.  Don't fail to keep your eyes open for opportunities to share all the little moments with God.  Because one day, when you turn around  and look back, all those little moments will add up to one great big life full of our Lord.  Each tiny moment will blend into the next until all you have is a life lived with Him at the center and a deep abiding love to show for it.

Long time, no read...

So, I am not quite sure that anyone out there reads this, but regardless, it has been a good long while since I've written.  Again.  I don't know why I do so well for a while and then tend to fall off.  In any event, here I am... with nothing much to say... yet.  (see what I did there).

Hopefully, I will get back into the swing of things.  I have a little challenge that I've made with myself (hopefully, I'll win).  I want to write more whether or not my mom is the only one out there reading this stuff (JK, my mom totally doesn't even read my blog).  

With that in mind, I kinda wanted to share a little something that I needed today.  

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."  John 14:27 (ESV)

I have struggled a lot lately with fear.  It has gripped me and it has dehibilitated me in major ways.  I have many fears, but they all tend to come back to the great fear of the unknown.  In the end, it doesn't matter where the fear originates, it is wrong.  I am a Christian, a follower of Christ.  Because of that alone, I should not fear.  I shouldn't look at what may be around the corner, but focus on what is right now.

The other side of this is the peace issue.  I serve a God of peace and He has placed that peace within me.  I think we often misunderstand what peace actually is.  It isn't the absence of trouble.  It isn't a serene, calm feeling.  No, peace is merely resting in the knowledge that it is all okay.  You see, many Christian bretheren are constantly martyred all over the world.  They may or may not have a calm, serene feeling, but you can rest assured that they have peace.  They have the inherent bone deep knowledge that it is going to be okay, no matter what 'it' may be.   That is the peace of God; that is the peace all christians should seek.

Peace and fear can rarely, if ever, coexist.  If we truly hold the belief that it will all work to God's honor and our good, then it is hard to fear, even when the circumstaces seem dire.  In times past, many Christians would sing, shout, or say 'Hallelujah' but I think that we have forgotten what that means.  It isn't an affirmation or a declaration of agreement.  Hallelujah isn't an Amen (Let it be so).  No, hallelujah is a victory cry.  It is what is said at the end of the battle when it is won!  You see, we can cry hallelujah even in the midst of battle, because we know where the victory lies and who is for us.  When we stand with Christ, we don't have to wonder or worry about the outcome because the outcome is already secured.  We are His and He is our Victor!  To know Him and that victory is true and everlasting peace that can chase away each and every fear.                                                                                                      

Yay, Running!

Well... I did it!  I did my first 5K.  It was a lot of fun, too.  I signed up a while back and I didn't know everyone in my group, but my BFF was 'running' with me.  And we rocked it.  Hard.

It wasn't a serious run, it was a fun run, but that's okay.  We did it!  I finished.  I didn't stop.  I worked hard for several weeks before hand.  The Hubs helped.  We went to the track 3 days a week and did 3 miles each time.  Even that was really fun!  So much so, that I am already looking to the next one.  It will probably be another fun one (I'm looking to the Color Run, but I haven't decided yet) because I just don't think I'll be ready.  I'm still walking more than I'm running, but I'm getting there.

Oh, wretched (wo)man that I am...

Okay, so here I am again.  My jeans are tight.  My summer wardrobe will once again consist of baggy tee shirts and jeans (or jean capris if it is really warm).  I'll be turning down quite a few social engagements because I don't have anything to wear and refuse to go get clothes in a bigger size.  I'm disgusted as I sit here and type and see the muffin top that is more like a full blown cake.

It wasn't like this a month ago, or nine months ago.  Last summer I got 'serious.'  I had an accountability partner.  I started exercising, for real.  I counted calories!  I was in a weigh-loss Bible study, y'all.  I mean it when I say that things were going good.  In total, I lost around 15lbs.  I was happy and energetic.  I even got to the point when I enjoyed exercise.  "So, what happened?" you ask.  I remember it SO clearly.  We went to visit my parents.  My mom cooked.  She doesn't cook for us super often, but I'm not lying when I tell you that my mom is an AMAZING cook.  When we sat down, she apologized.  She knew that I had been working at it and had seen results and her delectable Southern offerings weren't exactly in my meal plan.  I told her it was no big and helped myself to more butter dripping green beans and an extra roll.  I had kinda 'earned' it after all.  And my plan was not denying myself, but rather I was just eating less calories that I burned.  And it was working!  I told myself that like after I had splurged on a happy birthday to me meal and cake, I'd just work out a little more the next day.  Then the next day came around and I was tired from traveling and the treadmill was in Chas' room so I'd have to wait for him to get up, so I can skip today, right?  Then we traveled on the next day to sell our land (Hello, emotional eating!  I remember you!).  And I couldn't exercise while traveling, it was just too much.  It was just going to be 3 days after all and I normally go weekends without exercise.  Now, that I was home, I would start back.  Only I woke up Monday morning sick.  I can't exercise while sick and I don't feel like cooking so, I'll just eat this pizza and start back when I feel better...

I could go on, but I think you get the picture.  You see, I can pinpoint everything back to that one meal, but really it started just before that.  I can remember putting on an outfit and being TICKLED at how well it fit and how good I felt.  That was it.  That was the point in which everything began to crumble.  After all, I had arrived.  I was losing weight and feeling great.  This was what it was about.  I was doing it all the 'right way,' too.  I was eating less and moving more.  It was sure to stay off this time.  Then one slip led to another and another and another.  Sure, I tried to get back on the wagon, but I just couldn't seem to get momentum or traction again.  Then the pants kept getting tighter and the sweaters baggier.  Winter is a great time for gaining weight.

And now it's spring, with summer just a stone's throw away.  I can see the pool from my backporch.  Swimsuits and shorts and sun.  It should be fun, but I can't enjoy any of it.  I'm already stressing about what I'll do and wear.  And I hate myself for it.  Then I hate myself for hating myself.  The cycle is endless and awful.  The worst part is that I know what to do.  I did it and it worked.

Which is why I HAVE to begin again.  Last time, it was a friend who spurred me on.  We talked about our struggles with weight and it really kicked me into gear.  I began the next day.  I was in a situation where it was easy to work out and eat well and then when circumstances changed, I continued.  Now, my motivation is different.  I'm trying not to focus on the jeans that I'm wearing that are tighter than they should be.  I want my focus to be where it should.  I want to be healthy, not skinny.  I want my cholesterol and blood pressure to go down.  I want my body to work for me the way that it should and I want to do this so that I can work for God and heed His call.  I can't promise that I'll keep my mind on that motivation.  I'm already thinking about buying new and cute clothes, not being self loathing, being able to run with my son, and feeling attractive.  I don't want my focus to stay there, though.

It's going to be tough, too.  I have a surgery scheduled for tomorrow and I don't know how long I'll be out of commission.  I hope it's just a matter of days and not longer.  But I am signing up for a 5K in 2 months.  Will I be ready?  No.  Will I make a fool of myself?  Probably.  Will I have fun anyway?  I hope so.  I'll be running with a group and they are all skinnier and more fit, but I have to push myself.  I have 9 weeks and 2 days to work on it.  It's not enough time to be able to run, but it is enough time to hopefully not die when I do it.

I am giving myself 2 weeks to recuperate.  I hope I can keep my moto that long.  I want to hit it all hardcore, but I don't think it will be feasible.  I'll be doing a lot of traveling in June.  Regardless, I know what to do.  I have to eat less, move more, pray more.  I hope to document progress.  I hope that I can get on the right track and finally stay there.

Lists, Lists Everywhere!

Has anyone else noticed the preponderance of lists everywhere?  Not just your ordinary lists (because I am a BIG fan of most lists).  No, I'm talking specifically about those lists.  You know, the ones that tell you what you shouldn't say to (insert group here).  I've seen them for everything from military spouses to families of multiple children to single people to married people.

I'm sure there is some good information there and they may even come from a place of wanting to help  people.  I do know that I've seen some good stuff, forwarded, and facebook posted several of them myself.  But I just think it is getting a bit ridiculous.  

For example, on the families of multiple children list, I saw the comment: "You know what causes that, right?"  Hee hee.  That is one of my all times pet peeves!  Why does a family having many children invite comments about their sex life?  It is in poor taste and poor judgement.  However, I also saw this one:  "Oh, you must have SO many little helpers!" This seems harmless to me.  Maybe I'm wrong since I only have one child, but this seems... nice?  It is definitely a celebration of the children rather than something mean-spirited or a put down.

I also learned via these lists that I should never, ever order a Frappucino from Starbucks.  Or really just never go to Starbucks at all.  It seems that everything that makes Starbucks popular (meaning, all those frothy, sugary, syrupy 'coffee drinks') offends your friendly neighborhood barista.  If you do happen into a Starbucks, just order a plain coffee.

So, I guess what I'm really getting at is this:  Are these lists meant to be funny and ironic, or are they designed to help?  Or are they just the ramblings of someone in a very bad mood?

June Challenge...

Halfway through the year, already.  It's hard to believe.  I'm scared to look at my list of 'resolutions' I made 6 months ago.  I never shared them because there'd be accountability if I did.  But I knew they were there.

Last month, after my surgery I was struck by a comment by a friend.  I told her I couldn't look down due to pain and therefor couldn't read.  She exclaimed, "Oh, that must have been awful for you!"  Here's the thing.  It wasn't.  I didn't even think much about it.  Part of that was due to pain and such, but mostly it was because I had gotten out of the habit.  

I haven't read in a few months.  Well, I haven't read anything worth reading.  I had been reading 'candy.'  And as a result when my husband handed me a scholarly work, something 'nutritious,' I almost couldn't handle it.  It was bad.  I realized just how 'out of shape' I have gotten.  There very well may be a correlation to my own physical shape as well.

So, as I think about having six months behind me and six months before me, I looked back over my reading goals.  I have two down.  That's two out of 24!  It's a miserable statistic.  I could forgive myself if I had been really busy, but I have no excuse.  So, for the month of June, I am going to try to get back to reading.  I am going to endeavor to turn off the Roku at night after Chas has gone to bed (unless the Hubs wants to watch a Doctor Who or Farscape) and read.  I want to look back over my list.  There are some good books there.  I need to get back to it.

Also, I was reminded in prayer this week about my 'One Word.'  I'm sure most saw the challenge to pick a word for the year back in January when everything was new and there was nothing but possibilities.  :)  My word was:  Wisdom.  I have not been very wise here lately and I have not been actively seeking wisdom.  I've fallen off the wagon, as it were.  I also want to do better with this.  I want this idea of seeking wisdom to color my choices.

I hope to incorporate more of those failed resolutions, but I have to be wise about it.  If I look back at this list, chances are it will be overwhelming.  Instead, I hope to incorporate these ideas slowly.  If I can master these two in June, maybe I can pick out another couple in July and so on.  Who knows, maybe I can actually have the whole list in practice by December.  Just in time for next year's resolutions.  But let's not get ahead of ourselves.  

I Did What?

I signed up for a 5K.  This is ridiculous for SO many reasons.  Namely, because I haven't run consistently for, oh, about 5 months or so.  Not to mention there is the whole recovering from surgery.  Oh, and did I mention that the day that I'm running, I'm also going to me working at an all-day event at my church?  Yes.  I am insane.  

It's been one week since I signed up and it's been 5 days since my surgeon cleared me for most activity.  Now, ask me how many times I've gotten on the treadmill.  Twice.  Yep, two times in two weeks.  I know, I know.  I'll be in fighting shape in NO time, right?  And both of those times I was walking at a snail's pace.  Old women at the mall walk faster.  Seriously.

So, why did I do this?  Well, for one, my BFF asked me.  She and her sister put together a team for this 5K.  It sounded like fun.  Even though she's supah skinny and still losing, she offered to walk with me if I need it.  I'm still all kinds of worried because I can just see me slowing the WHOLE team down.  Like seriously, I worry about that.  

Secondly, I did it because it was a goal.  It was a goal I made in January.  I wanted to do a 5K, now to be completely honest, I wanted to RUN a 5K, but I'll handle completing it even if I have to crawl.  Now, I have this thing out there.  I did it.  I paid a fee (and I don't play with non-refundables).  I'm signed up.  It's happening whether I train or not.  Now, it's up to me to get myself in gear and only moderately embarrass myself.

And lastly, because why not?  I'm not entering a super-competitive 5K.  Its one of those 'fun' ones.  So, maybe I do completely embarrass myself.  I drag the entire team down and they have a miserable time.  But what if I don't?  What if we all go and have a blast?  Do I really want to miss out because I'm scared?  The answer is no.  I want to try.  I want to succeed.  But even if I don't, at least I did something.

Now, I have 4 weeks, 6 days, and 21 hours to get at least a little tiny bit better than I am now.  It's going to be hard and I may not make it.  But I'm going to try.  I want to try.  And regardless of the outcome, at least I did it.

I Need a Break...

I was talking to my BFF tonight and explaining about how I'm still in pain from my surgery and my Aunt just passed away and I couldn't get to Missouri for the funeral because of doctor's appointments and the Hub's drill schedule and she's had a TON going on including a kindergarden graduation and also said kindergarder's birthday coming up.  I said to her, "We need a break."  And I meant it.  

In my mind, I was picturing a weekend getaway or a spa day.  Heck, I think I'd probably just be happy to have an afternoon to sit at Starbuck's and chill.  I didn't have a lot of time to fantasize, but I still had those thoughts in my head.  

A little bit later, after reading a few things, I was reminded of a pet peeve of mine.  I had read a lot of blogs and articles after Lent that talked about the Sabbath and the need to keep it holy.  Disclaimer: I agree with this.  However, I disagree with how most go about it.  I hovered over many a comment box, ready to give my opinion, but in the end, I never did.  The main reason is because I don't think what most were saying was wrong, just incomplete.

The Hubs took time while deployed to 'do nothing' and just recharge and relax.  It was a very stressful time and it took a lot out of him.  I hear of families who completely unplug one day a week.  We impose a few rules for Sundays in our own home (no tv or ipod before church, etc.).  However, why do we limit our Sabbath rest to one day a week and confine and constrict it in so many ways?

We have to remember that Jesus is our Sabbath.  We can tap into the Sabbath rest at any time.  I don't have to wait until Sunday (or Saturday) for a rest or break.  I can take it anytime I please, by merely spending time with my Savior.  

So, indeed, the BFF and I do need breaks.  We may even sincerely need a spa day or coffee break.  But we/I also really need to know that I don't have to wait for anything to get a break.  I can spend time with Jesus and get that rest and rejuvenation that will propel me on to a better day.

A little something new: Questions and linkup

So, I've never done anything like this before, but this just seemed like too much fun!  This week's linkup was hosted by one of my favorite sites Carrots for Michaelmas.  Here are my answers:

1. What's the scariest thing that's ever been in your yard?

Well, that would probably be a scorpion.  This was made infinitely scarier by the fact that it was directly behind Chas (he was 7 at the time).  We were living in the Mojave Desert at the time.  I didn't mind the lizzards and we were blessed to never see a trantula!

2. Beards.  Thumbs up or thumbs down?

At this point in time, thumbs WAY up!  Never been a fan of beards.  I blame it on the Hubs and being around military bases.  However, since he spent a little downtime last year cultivating a really nice beard, I have to say that I'm now a fan.  :)

3. If stuff breaks, can you fix it?

Not even a little.  I mean, when Chas was little and an arm popped off an action figure, I could pop it back on, sometimes.  But no, I am not a fix-it type person.  I have the Hubs for that.  He's very mechanical.

4. What was your first car?

1998 Ford Escort SE.  I LOVED that car.  That car was beautiful and it was freedom.  All the way up until we found out a car seat didn't fit in the back.  :(

5. How often do you eat out?

Too much.  Ideally, we eat out once a week on Sundays after church.  It's a family thing and we almost always end up running into church family.  We made it fun.  The Hubs, Chas, and I take turns picking places, so its a great way to get to eat at all those places that we normally wouldn't.  However, we do tend to stop at Noodles & Co. before buying groceries (can't shop on an empty stomach!) or a quick run to Chickffila here and there.  Sigh.

6. Why is your hair like that?

Well, I love my hair.  I had long, long hair until my junior year of high school.  Then I started cutting it, just a little here and there and I couldn't stop.  I love changing it up and cutting a new style was the quickest way to do that.  It got short, y'all.  And you can only cut for so long.  That's when I started experimenting with color.  Purple is still my fave, but I get the most compliments from the 'calico' style that I have now (brown with red and blond highlights).  And, once I got done with all the cutting, I decided to start growing it out again.  I love it long!  Ponytails rock.  I don't know how long I'll get it, but I see no end in sight since my hair grows at a snails pace.

I am a BAD patient...

I cannot stand to be out of commission.  I really can't.  I guess it's the rebel in me, but when I cannot do what I want to do when I want to do it, it kind of drives me insane.  Now, I don't necessarily mean when I am occupied, I more often mean incapacitated.  Sure, it's not great when I'm so busy that I can't get my laundry done, but I'm really upset when I'm sick or injured and just have to lie around and convalesce rather than doing whatever needs done.

I'm a bad patient, too.  I often oscillate between trying to overdo and underdo.  Oh, I feel better?  Let me just clean the house top to bottom for the next 6 hours. Or, no, I can't possibly put away the laundry I'm still recovering from that sneeze 3 weeks ago.  I don't want to make things worse, after all.

I am battling right now because I just had surgery last week.  It was something that needed to be done and that I had put off for around 2 years.  Not life threatening, but definitely life improving.  I'd gone to the doctor and listened when he talked and thought about things and planned.  The Hubs offered to cook the entire week following surgery!  However, I don't think I really prepared.  In my mind, somehow, when the doc said that immediate recovery was 3-7 days,  I heard, life will be completely normal almost immediately.  I still don't know where the disconnect was.  

I made menus and plans as if I would be the picture of health the Monday following my Friday surgery.  Sure, the Hubs said he'd cook for a week, but surely I'd be well enough to go to church on Sunday and take over cooking by Tuesday.  I even had unprepared veggies in the fridge, but I didn't worry.  I'll just do those on Monday.  Uh, yeah.  It hasn't gone like that.  At.  All.

I went in on Friday.  Still pretty clueless, as I found out.  I went under and, other than a small problem with my breathing tube, things went well.  It took me quite some time to come out of the anesthesia.  Maybe this started me off?  Because you see I couldn't quite understand all the guidelines and care instructions that were being given.  The Hubs was there and he listened well and, you know, cared for me.  It still created a bit of panic in me because I wasn't in control.  Of anything.

The days that followed were bad.  Not horrible.  I was getting better, but it wasn't the 'springing back' that I had envisioned for myself.  I had thought that I'd basically bounce back with little to no recovery.  I don't know where these delusions came from, but I was (and am) quite obviously wrong.

It's one week past, and I'm still struggling.  I know that I'm getting better, but it is SOOO slow.  I still have pain and swelling and other things that aren't polite to talk about here.  I haven't been to church or cooked one single meal.  It's really, really discouraging.  

But today.  Today, I got the urge to write.  I wasn't sure what I wanted to write.  I figured I would talk about recovery and praise the Hubs, and my BFF who brought me a meal, and church friends who have been ferrying Chas to and from church.  Then I started thinking about my attitude and perspective.  And my... lack of faith.  I have been horrible.  Sincerely.

At the risk of making an already long post longer, I just have to praise Jesus.  Because my recovery is going well.  I am getting better.  Things are good.  It is hard, though.  And I have to be careful because I have to strike that delicate balance between too much and too little.  Just like most things in life.

I also have to remind myself of the times when it is okay to sit and bask in the love of Jesus and when it's time to move ahead and love others.  I have to learn to be a better patient, taking care of myself and letting others take care of me, and I have to learn when to push myself forward and work through the pain.

The Four Pillars of Health...

I have sat in my fair share of military briefs and classes.  And I freely admit that I haved listened more to the Hubs than whatever Colonel or Captain might be adressing us.  I can't help it.  One of the best things that he ever covered was health.  I know, weird, right?  Not really.  It has always stuck with me and 'rang true' to what I have always thought.

The Hubs explains it like this:  we all have four pillars of health: mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical.  This makes sense since there are many facets to our overall health and they rely on each other.  Obviously, his focus as a chaplain was to talk about the spiritual side, but you can't do that and negate the other three.  It also, just so happens (wink, wink), that these pillars coincide with our command to love God with our Mind (mental), Heart (emotional), Soul (spiritual), and Strength (physical).

I understand that I can be in peak physical health, but off emotionally or mentally and that will affect my overall health.  Or I can be incredibly spiritual, daily Bible readings, weekly studies, fellowship, etc., but if I am eating nothing but hamburgers and ice cream, I'm not going to be what I ought.  If I let my mind run rampant in thought, but I work out every day, I'm not acheiving what I need to.  You get what I'm saying, right?  I am a whole person and because of that I cannot neglect any of these pillars.  To be overall healthy, I have to make sure that all my pillars are strong and standing upright.

This is no easy task and one, or another, may lean from time to time, but the goal is to keep each from falling down.  I struggle with this.  I want to be healthy.  Overall and not just one pillar.  I want to be strengthened so that I can love God with all my mind, heart, soul, and strength.  And this may mean denying myself that brownie and getting up early to work out.  It may mean turning off that tv show and reading a book, but not that one, an edifying one.  :)  I may (definitely) need to work on taking my thoughts captive and not reacting emotionally.

I have struggled with this, an each pillar, for some time.  I believe the key to this is deliberate, intentional living.  So, often we are reactionary, living life by reacting to whatever is happening TO us at that moment.  I think we need to be proactive.  We need to live life and not just have life 'happen.'  I need to be proactive and live life.  I try and fail, but I can't let failure deter me.

I'm a planner, but not much of a doer.  I LOVE to plan.  This time, I have to follow through, even- no, especially when my plan falls apart.  I hope to do better with blogging so that I can show my successes (and failures) with all of this.

Liturgical Fail

So, it's been a while.  I'll go ahead and admit that part of this is shame.  Shame, I tell you!  You see, with all the greatest plans in the world in place, I completely failed Lent.  I'm not sure I 'gave' up or 'took' up any of the things I had on my mind.  I didn't help my son.  And even though there was so much fail, I knew it could be redeemed, but life just kept getting in the way.  I guess this probably happens pretty often when non-liturgicals try something new like this.  I just have no experience.  I hope I can learn from this year for next.  

It was the same with Holy Week.  I got sick.  My parents came for Palm Sunday.  We had friends over on Maundy Thursday.  It was just very hard to work anything out and I was totally unprepared.  We did have a fun Resurrection Day and I was able to fill our sacrifice jars (thanks to the Hubs and a late night run for M&M's).

I do feel bad about it, but I really am trying not to feel guilty (I was joking about the shame earlier).  I will only feel guilty if I give up and don't learn.  I'm really new to this whole liturgical year stuff.  I have to take what I learn this year and roll that over into next year and keep doing that.  

So, what's on the horizon?  Well, since I've kinda been picking and choosing from the Liturgical Year, next up for us is Ascension Day.  What will we be doing?  How will we celebrate?  I do not know, yet.  I need to get on that.  It's only three and a half weeks away!  :)

Until then, happy Cinco de Mayo!  I need to go get my groceries for my enchiladas.  Or tacos.  Or quesadillas.  Can we celebrate all week?

Faith, Hope, & Love...

"Now abideth these three Faith, Hope, and Love..."

So, what has been on my mind lately (other than the fact that I'm STILL failing at Lent?)? Well, mostly this verse. 

One of the things I struggle most with in my life is trust. I'm still not entirely sure why this is, but I'm working on it. It's not just in one area but ALL areas. So you can see where as this is major. To this end, I've been reading a book for a Bible Study that's all about Faith. 

I also just went on an amazing retreat that focused on Love. Both loving others and making sure we spend time soaking in the love of God. Needless to say, this has been monumental. 

Also, I went to a gathering (the week after the retreat) and heard a great speaker expound on the need for Biblical Hope rather than natural hope; a hope that is securely anchored in God rather than circumstance. 

Do you see a theme here? Cause I did. I still don't know exactly why God is moving these things to the forefront of my mind but I'm working on it. 

For some reason I also believe my 'word' for the year plays into it all, too. The word I was led to was Wisdom. 

I have tried to meditate on these a bit, especially since that was one of my things for Lent, but have I mentioned that I'm not doing great there? I have fallen into the same trap that so many do. I'm... busy. Gasp!

I know. Everyone is. I went from a 4-night revival to a Women's Retreat to drop Chas off at Poppy & Mimi's (4 hours away) to a Minister & Wives gathering then back to retrieve Chas (6 hours this time) then back home for one day of rest before babysitting one of the cutest babies EVER and also soon to have an amazing 5-year old for 3 days. So, yeah. Busy. 

As you can plainly see there's been NO time for ya know, Bible and prayer and stuff. Yeah, I know I'm kinda disgusted with myself too. 

So this week, even though it's already Tuesday, I plan to work harder to spend time with Jesus. I want to. It isn't even an 'I know I should.'  I genuinely desire to. I hope to seek True Wisdom and work on embracing and showing more Faith, Hope, & Love.  

The Best Laid Plans...

So, Stac, how's that whole "Lent" thing going?  I'm SO glad you asked! Not well.  Le sigh.  In my last post I laid out my grand plan for Lent, so of course everything went downhill from there. We had an ice/snow storm on Monday which hindered going to the store (Monday is grocery-getting day 'round here). And a major birthday cake malfunction led to quite an abbreviated lesson on Lent. Since I didn't have the groceries in place for our 'amazing Fat Tuesday Feast' the hubs and I decided to go out for dinner and feast that way. Only we had friends come over and stay longer than expected (I love having friends over so no one gets kicked out. Ever. We just 'alter' plans). Thus led to our feast happening at 9pm Tuesday night. Wednesday would've been great... Except that since there was still an abundance of snow and ice, church was canceled for the Hubs and I. Thursday and Friday went off the rails when one of the most fun and beautiful 8-month old baby girls came to play. I had agreed to watch her a while back but with all the snow and ice, this was my first time that week (um, did I mention how much the snow an ice messed EVERYTHING up?). I'd also gotten a major migraine that just further wrecked it all. 

So, now I'm tapping out this post on my phone while this precious girl sleeps on my shoulder. Chas is working 'diligently' on his math while the Hubs works on his car. 

But, Stac! That's well and good but those were just lessons. How's living out Lent going? Le Sigh. Again. 

Well... I'd really hoped to follow through with everything. So far, I think taking the farther parking space is about all I've accomplished.

- Exercise went well last week, until the migraine hit. 

- Going to bed and getting up was just shot ALL to pieces. That happens when you feast at 9pm! 

- The snooze button is my drug. 

- Eating simply is a bit of a cop out because we already do that. 

- Yeah, we had a birthday party on Saturday with a friend who seriously knows how to throw a party. No fasting there. 

- How do you measure being intentional? I'm not sure but I know I'm failing there, too. 

- Cash? Nope. 

- Meditation, fun school, blogging, letters, or giving bread? Nope, nope, nope, nope , and, uh, nope. 

And don't even get me started on our 'sacrifice jars.' They aren't even made. 

I'm consoling myself by saying it's only the second week, but, still I feel totally inadequate. Then again, isn't that the point of Lent? To remind us continually of our need for our Savior. If so, totally hitting Lent out of the park!

I did do two things 'okay' last week. Both food related of course. First, our vegetarian dish on Thursday:

It's a Lemon Ricotta pasta dish. I used spinach noodles and real spinach, too (you gotta get those veggies in). All in all, this dish was a success! Me and the boys liked it. 

And this is Friday's offering. Bourbon Glazed salmon with creamed chard and rice pilaf. Whereas the boys loved it, I was unsure. The pilaf was awesome, chard okay, and fish got a thumbs down. May try to tweak it for the future. 

Now, here's praying that I (and the boys)) will have much more success this week. :)

Liturgical Living for a Non-Liturgical...

So, I was so blessed by Advent that I really wanted to look more into the liturgical calendar this year.  I have slacked on a LOT, but with Lent being so close, I had to dust off the missal and look at a few things.  Here's a little of what's on my mind...

What is Lent?

Simply, it is a period of the liturgical year that leads into Holy Week and the celebration of Jesus' resurrection.  Lent is celebrated for the 40 days (minus Sundays) prior to  Resurrection Day, or Easter.  It is generally used to mimic the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness.

Why should we celebrate Lent?

Per my understanding, not being a strictly liturgical Christian, the liturgical calendar with all feasts and celebrations are designed to get our hearts closer to Jesus by remembering Him and His life.  Lent is a great way to remember what Jesus did in the wilderness, prayer and fasting, and how that resembled the Israelites 40 year journey through the wilderness.  Lent is also a great tool to prepare our hearts, minds, and bodies, both individually and corporately, for the celebration of Jesus' resurrection which is foundational to our faith.

How do we celebrate Lent?

In most traditions, Lent is celebrated with Prayer, Fasting, and Almsgiving, or any combination of these.  Most see Lent as a time to 'give up' or 'take up' a certain behavior.  This is certainly one way to celebrate.  When we 'give up' something, we are to use this as a tool to pray.  Every time you miss what you have given up, whether it's something mental or physical, you are reminded to pray.  This is a way in which prayer and fasting go hand in hand.  Almsgiving is often overlooked, but it is traditionally the giving to or helping of those less fortunate.

Currently, most Christians look for interpretations of fasting and almsgiving, meaning not literal fasting from food or giving of money to the poor.  So, you may hear of Christians giving up soda or sweets or volunteering at a soup kitchen or giving away unused household items or toys.  This is one of the reasons that Lent is a very personal liturgical celebration that plays out corporately.  The idea is that each person is sacrificing personally and drawing closer to Jesus to overcome their temptation which affects the corporate body of believers who are all celebrating this season.

Is it wrong for non-Catholics or non-liturgicals to celebrate Lent?

I don't think any Catholic or liturgical friends would beat you up for it.  And I don't think any of your true Christian brethren would either.  Most Catholic or liturgicals would probably enjoy the opportunity to share with you and some of your brethren might like to know more.  Ultimately you should discern for yourself what God would have you to do.  Remember, "All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful.  All things are lawful, but not all things build up.  Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor." (1 Cor 10:23-24 ESV)

What will celebrating Lent look like for me?

Generally it is accepted that people talk about 'how they celebrate Lent.'  You'll hear lots of people talking about 'what they're giving up or taking up for Lent.'  I think that's fine, but we need to try not to go overboard.  We are told in Matthew 6:16-18, "And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others.  Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret.  And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."  In other words, try not to complain or make yourself some sort of paragon of faith for what you're doing or giving up.  Just do it and do it well, heartily unto the Lord.

Now, having said all this, I'd like to give a general rundown of how I plan to celebrate Lent this year.  Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent and is on 5 March, this year.

3 March - (also the Hubs birthday) I plan to give a short lesson for Chas about what Lent is and common traditions, mostly the beginning of this, as well as, Scripture reading on the Temptation of Jesus in the wilderness.

4 March - Shrove Tuesday, or Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday.  Shrove comes from the word Shrive, which means confess.  This is the day before the sacrifice of Lent begins, which is the origin of Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras.  It was a time of feasting before the fast.  I'll also give a lesson on this for school.  I'll also have a little 'feast' for dinner that night as well as a time of confession before we begin Lent.

5 March - Ash Wednesday.  Most who celebrate Lent go to special services and receive the mark of the cross in ash on their forehead.  I'm not sure we will make it to any services, but we may have our own (without ashes).  I really want to bring out the ideas of using ashes as a sign of mourning.

6 March -  Usually each individual picks out what they are doing before Lent begins and they are already doing it.  I have several ideas for myself (more on that later), but on this day I'll present Chas with my 'suggestion' as to what to do and let him brainstorm some ideas, too.  We'll make a list as well as a couple of index cards with verses to use to succeed.  After all, Jesus combatted his temptation in the wilderness with Scripture!

7 March - This will be a review day.  I'll try to reiterate why we are doing what we're doing and what it means.  I also really want Chas to make it his own without me forcing something on him.  I know he'll get more out of it that way.

8 March - I don't know how it'll go over with the fam, but I want to take my Saturdays as a true 'fast' day and Sabbath.  I'll have one meal, but that'll be it.  I don't know if I can succeed, but  I really want to at least try.  Hopefully it will be a way to prepare my heart for the worship services the next day.

9 March - This is the first Sunday of Lent.  As I said, Sundays are not included in Lent, so this may be used as a 'cheat' day depending on what Chas has chosen to do. We may also do the Scripture readings from the Lectionary (or on Monday).

After the first week, it'll be more low-key until Holy Week (I hope to make a separate post about how we'll celebrate that later.)  Here are a few things that I'll be trying to do:

- More exercise, not taking the closest parking spot

- Going to bed and waking up at set times

- Not hitting the snooze button (more than one time) :)

- Eat more simply

- Weekly 'fast' on Saturday (only one meal)

- Be more intentional (including a reinstating of THE Schedule)

- Use cash only, no debit card unless absolutely necessary (and a milkshake isn't necessary)

- Practice more meditation on God's Word, not just prayer, reading, and study

- Do one 'fun' activity for school a week

- Blog more, at least weekly (this is for me, since I'm pretty sure no one actually reads it)

- Write one letter or card to a friend a week

- Give my 'extra' loaf of bread away (and baking it more regularly)

I saw a really neat idea that I plan to implement (Here's the original post ).  It's called a 'Sacrifice Jar.'  Each of us (The Hubs, Chas, & I) will have a jar and every time we succeed at a task (No snooze! No complaining! One letter sent!) or when we've been tempted and called on Jesus to overcome, we'll place one 'seed' (in my case it'll be a black-eyed pea) in the jar.  It's a visual representation of accomplishment, but it serves another purpose.  On Resurrection Day Eve, I'll replace the peas with M&M's or another treat.  And to show grace, the number of treats won't be based on the number of peas but will be overflowing from the jar.  We don't do Easter, or the Easter bunny, or Easter baskets, so treats are lacking that morning anyway.  I don't feel guilty about that, but I just love this illustration of God's grace.  It doesn't matter how much you've failed or succeeded, your cup can still run over because He is Risen!!

So, there are my lofty, lofty goals.  I'm sure I'll succeed at some and fail miserably at others.  That's life, right?  However, I can't let the fear of failure keep me from trying.

What a clogged drain taught me about God...

I like to cook.  I think I've shared that before.  If you know me, you know this.  I like to eat, too.  Probably more than I like to cook.  Because when you eat, you don't have to do the clean up like you do if you cook.  I don't like to do the clean up.  I do it, because if I don't, I'll have nothing to cook or eat off of the next day.

I'm notorious for throwing things down the garbage disposal.  Especially the way our apartment is layed out now.  It's so much easier to scrape a pear or a potato over the sink than the trash.  Generally it isn't a problem.  It can take it.  I've thrown the things that are on the approved list: pear peelings, the ends off my green beans, leftovers, etc.  I've also thrown in the big No-no's: egg shells, potato peelings, an apple core (it was chopped into pieces already!).  It really hasn't been a problem.  The Hubs has taught me well how to make one run properly.  Only use cold water so it doesn't overheat.  Don't let it run too long.  Throw in some dish soap to lubricate once in a while.  I even throw in the lemons to make it smell nice.

So, you can see why it was such a surprise that my garbage disposal decided to vomit on me tonight. There I was just minding my own business, peeling my sweet potatoes, trimming my green beans.  Then when I went to 'dispose' of everything, the disposal didn't do it's job.  It gurgled and banged and then swooshed!  With that swoosh came a HUGE amount of water that typhooned all over me and the kitchen.  So, I did what I normally would do in this situation.  I turned off the water and disposal and then yelled for the Hubs.  Naturally, he came downstairs and had it fixed within 15 minutes.

As I sat here, reading a book and waiting for him to be done so I could finish cooking, I started thinking.  What would I do if he wasn't here?  That has been a valid question before since he has done 2 deployments to Iraq.  Would I call our maintenance guys?  Would I attempt to fix the clogged sink on my own?  Would I call a friend for help?  or Would I just be more careful about what I put down the drain?!  Knowing me, it would be the latter.

Having dealt with deployments and other absences, I smiled because I was so thankful that the Hubs was, in fact, here and I could once again throw things haphazardly into the garbage disposal.  I had faith.  Faith that if it clogged or broke, he could fix it.  It isn't a blind faith.  I've seen him fix the sink, tub, electrical outlet, car, washing machine, etc.  You name it, he's probably had to fix it for me.  

And this is what made me think about God, particularly my faith in Him.  I'm so timid, so shy, so anxious.  Why?  Because a lot of the time I behave as if I'm in this on my own.  As if I would have to 'fix the sink by myself.'  But that isn't the case.  God is there.  He's there to help.  I can go into most situations without fear because I know that He is there with me and ready to fight, rescue, or strengthen me.  And here's the thing: It, too, isn't a blind faith!  He's shown Himself to be faithful to me, time and again.  And not just me, I've heard it from friends and family, read it in the Bible, heard about it on TV, radio, and in books.

This isn't a new revelation.  This isn't a new idea.  This isn't even new to me.  But it is something that I needed right now.  I know I'll probably need it again, but I'm thankful that I am able to find some good perspective out of a minor catastrophe!

Land, ho!!

Oh, where to start!!  I think I'll take a cue from one of my favorite singing (almost) nuns, Maria von Trapp and start at the very beginning, after all, it's a very good place to start.

A couple years ago, God gave the Hubs and I a couple clear directives.  One of those was to move to Middle Tennessee.  It was kind of odd, since the Hubs was on active duty at the time and since we owned land in Missouri where we'd always hoped to retire.  But, we listened.  It took a while, but we made it to Middle Tennessee, still a little unsure.

We knew that we needed to sell the land in Missouri and get some land in Tennessee, but we weren't entirely sure how we were going to go about this.  You see our place in MO, had earned a pretty funny nickname: The Barn of Many Wonders.  We had acquired quite a mass of things and not just little things here and there, but some rather LARGE things.  Like cars, car parts, furniture, and a '47 2 ton truck.  In other words, the contents wouldn't really fit in a Uhaul.  Still, we knew what we had to do.

So we did it.  It worked out great, really.  This past summer (2013), the house we were renting sold.  It kinda freaked us out at first, but we started looking for places to rent.  We found one, but it wouldn't be ready for a month or so, so we decided to got to Missouri and stay with my fam.  While there, the Hubs could go over to our land and start clearing out the junk and liquidating the rest.  When he wasn't in SWMO (Southwest Missouri), he built a bathroom for my parents, but that's another post entirely.

So, with the barn empty (mostly), we listed the land and waited.  We were blessed because it really didn't take long.  I'm not sure the exact date we listed, but we moved into our new place at the end of August/beginning of September and we closed on the land at the end of October.  It was awesome and scary all at the same time.  We'd completed our first phase, but now we were without land.  For the Hubs, it was the first time in his life that he'd been without land.

The TN land search was underway.  We searched, high and low.  All over middle TN, and let me tell you, that is a large area.  It took a while, a lot of help from our real estate agent (a blessed man!), and a LOT of work from the Hubs, but we finally found our place and closed last week (3 Jan 14)!

So, what now?  Well, a lot of work to begin with.  This particular piece of land has been severely mistreated.  It's going to take a bit to get it taken care of properly.  After that, we'll begin our home.  We've already been drawing up plans for homes and I've been pinning like mad.  I have no idea when we'll actually break ground or even be finished, but I cannot wait.

The other big part of our plan isn't quite as easily named.  We want chickens and a garden and to be as 'green' as possible (even though, I detest that term) and be somewhat sustainable.  I don't really like the term homestead and farm isn't acurate and we're definitely not 'preppers.'  The best term I've heard used is 'farmette,' but I think that is just because it's a fun word and a little bit girly.  (Kinda like the time the Hubs and I laughed and refered to him as Quasi-Clergy, just because it was a funny word). I don't like to label it and I don't think I identify with any of those groups either.  I do like to read from each of those areas and I think we'll incorporate several of those ideas, but not the entirety.  

In any event, we are heading in a new area and as scary as it is, I'm really excited.  I know that it is a huge undertaking and we really do have quite a road ahead.  I hope to detail it here.  I really want to have some sort of log of our journey and progress.  First up will be some pics, but I'm telling ya, it is not in a good condition right now.