Inside Out, Emotions, and the Logos...

Ah, emotional health.  I thought about skipping this one.  Or finding a new topic for this week.  But since I’ve already talked about spiritual health and mental health, I figured I’d need to tackle the emotional at some point (tune in next week for physical health!)

Purely for research purposes, I watched Disney’s Inside Out this weekend.  I’d heard great things about it and I was pretty excited.  It’s no secret that our family is dealing with some extreme stress in this season (we are living in a camper), so I thought it would be a bit cathartic and fun for the family.  I’d heard great things and was pretty excited to see it.

I was underwhelmed.

I mean, it is a cute movie, but let’s be honest, it’s a pretty bad message, right?  This idea that we are solely governed by emotions.  We have a family, each with personified emotions calling the shots in their head.  The dad, with Anger in the lead.  The mom, who for some reason has Sadness in charge.  And their 11-year old daughter, Riley, who has the bubbly Joy at the helm.

I’ll admit that it is cute and at times it is hilarious.  However, I just couldn’t get past the premise.  Perhaps I’ve read Lysa TerKuerst’s Unglued one too many times, but I can’t get behind the idea that we are completely governed by emotion.  If we’re blessed and have pleasant “core memories” then we can have Joy reigning, but what about those unfortunate souls who end up with Fear or Disgust ruling in her stead?

The movie wraps up with the noble notion that each emotion has it’s place and even if we don’t enjoy Anger or Sadness, they are still needed if for no other reason than to shed light on the happier times.  I get that.  And that’s good.  After all, my favorite line from the Doctor Who episode Blink is “Sadness is happy for deep people.”  (Okay, there are a lot of favorite lines from that episode.)

But even with that, there is an idea that we are merely emotional beings going through life with the hope that Joy rather than any other is the predominant emotion running our life.  And that’s just wrong.

Ms. TerKuerst does state in her book that emotions are indicators, not dictators of our life.  We are not helpless and subjected to the rule of our emotions.  No, we are blessed because we can choose how to behave.  Sure, we may feel sad or angry, but we are able to overcome that feeling.  Not because of another emotion fighting away to make sure we don’t get too angry or disgusted.  No, we’re able to act in a different way because we, as humans, have the mental capacity for logic and reason to overcome our emotion – not be ruled by them.

Our emotions do play a part.  We can’t merely ignore them or cast them away.  I’m definitely NOT saying that.  Our emotions are indicators of what we are feeling.  We have to decide whether or not this is an appropriate thing to act on or whether we are being irrational and out of place.  Our emotions are valid.  We do feel these things.  But that doesn’t mean that they are right.  Sometimes we need outside help with this.  This is where accountability and community come into place.

We are meant to live in community for just this reason.  Our first line of emotional accountability should be our family.  Ideally, your spouse or parent should be able to help.  If this isn’t the case, you may need to step outside that to a church setting.  Seek help from a brother or sister or your pastor.  If this still doesn’t resolve, you may need to go a step beyond and seek out a good Christian counselor to help.

Emotional health is a huge part of your whole person.  It’s also so ultimately relative to your person that it’s hard to make a universal.  This is why the other pillars of health are so key.  If you are working hard to be healthy mentally, spiritually, and physically, then emotional will usually, though not always, fall into place. 

In the end, we have to remember that though our emotions are good and valid, they aren’t the ultimate and supreme end.  If you are saved and you have the Holy Spirit to guide you then you can absolutely live above being ruled by emotions.  After all, we do know that Jesus is called the Logos is Scripture.  This is usually translated as Word, but if you’ll look closely you can see this is where we also get our word Logic.  

Mental Wholeness...

Like the Westminster Catechism, I believe that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  However, to do this, I think we have to be holy, healthy, and whole.  We have 4 “pillars” of health:  mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical.  I believe that these correspond to Jesus’ command for us to love God with all our mind (mental), heart (emotional), soul (spiritual), and strength (physical), in Luke 10:27.

To this end, I strive to health and wholeness in each area.  Mental is one that is both easy and difficult to maintain.  There are a million apps and games out there that help with memory and cognition.  However, I’m not sure that just that is all you need for brain health.  I’ve used Brain Age and Luminosity and a couple others and they work well, but I think you need a bit more.

There is a creative and imaginative aspect to mental health, too.  I’m not much of a crafter, but I do like to think of myself as a big of a creative soul.  I’ve just gotten into the grown up coloring books that are all the rage now days.  I’ve also started Bible Journaling.

Scripture memorization is also a wonderful tactic.  You get the benefit of stretching your mental muscles with memorization and you also get the added bonus of having a wealth of scripture at your mental disposal.

These are all well and good and wonderful tools to use.  But the most fun tool for building mental health and wholeness?  Reading!  I love to read, so this may not be the same for everyone.  I like to read broadly, but I will say that my focus lately has been nonfiction and theology.  I’m trying to mix it up a bit this year with my 2016 reading list.

My usual goal is reading two books a month, but I’ll admit that I’m a bit behind schedule this month.  I’ve already finished one book and have two more started that I’m reading concurrently.  I’ve not made the time to read in the past couple weeks, but I hope to get back in the routine.

Check back in on Wednesday for my first monthly “Book Report” on the book I’ve completed.

Stacey’s Recipe Corner: Perfect Pancakes with Brown Sugar Syrup

So, I decided to change things up a bit and try my hand at writing a recipe.  I have always loved food, but I was never much of a cook.  I always liked to bake, probably because it’s mostly just following directions.  However, for several years now, I have been cultivating my skills as a cook.  It started simply with a few “make it homemade” meals where you take store bought meals and put a new flair on them.

Then I graduated and began using real recipes.  Still mostly with pre-made ingredients, but still I could reasonably call a home-cooked meal.  After that came “from scratch.”  I worked hard to try to cook with as few processed ingredients and make as much from scratch as I could.  It turned out that it wasn’t that hard.  And so now, I feel like a full-fledged “pinch of this, pinch of that” kind of cook.

Most of the time I will still begin with a recipe from somewhere;  I try to make it the first time just as the recipe indicates, but after that I throw in my own flair, sometimes making something completely new.  I have gotten into the routine of printing my recipes so that I can make notes on them so that if something turns out really good, I can replicate it.

So, here’s the story of these pancakes:  I was a total Aunt Jemima/Mrs. Butterworth’s type of pancake mix maker.  Just Add Water were the magic words.  I loved pancakes and my boys loved pancakes, too.  It fast became a Saturday tradition.  Unfortunately one Saturday, I ran out of mix.  Not wanting to disappoint my boys, I searched Pinterest really quickly to find a pancake recipe using things I already had.  Needless to say, after having pancakes made from scratch, my boys never wanted a mix again.  (For the story on the syrup, just insert the word syrup for pancake mix in the above story – I need to do better with my grocery shopping obviously).

And now here is the recipe as I make it today:

My recipe is adapted from this one found at Like Mother, Like Daughter

And just in case, like me, you've found yourself with an entire large stack of pancakes and no syrup in sight, here's a fun, simple recipe made with just a few items that you also likely have on hand...

Quick Brown Sugar Syrup:

1 cup filtered water

1 cup brown sugar (you can use light or dark)

¼ tsp cinnamon

¼ tsp vanilla

½ tsp coconut oil

Pour all ingredients into a medium sized sauce pan.  Heat on medium heat, stirring to make sure sugar is completely dissolved.  Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 5-7 minutes.  Let cool for a few minutes before pouring into a glass container.  Store leftovers in the fridge for up to 1 week.  Mixture may separate when cooled, just heat and stir to reconstitute.

This syrup is great to dip apples or over ice cream, too.

Five Friday Favorites: Boundaries

Boundaries are difficult.  There are volumes written about boundaries.  It is spoken about frequently .  Boundaries are also very necessary.  Sometimes they can make us feel fenced in and almost claustrophobic.  Other times, they are stretched so thin, that we may wonder if they are even there at all.  I think that they key for boundaries is to make sure that you are fencing the right things in and keeping the right things out.

Here are some of the boundaries that I’ve had to set up in my life.

1.  Family.  Perhaps this is on everyone’s list?  I know that my extended family loves me and I know that they want what’s best for me.  However, not every way in which they show it is the healthiest.  I have to make sure that I have set up the proper boundaries around my immediate family and that I’m not allowing the “care” that my extended family shows to breach that.  It shows my husband respect and allows us to do what is truly best for us.

2.  My spouse.  I have to be very intentional with this one and keep proper perspective.  With just the three of us, it is easy for familiarity to creep in.  We are a close, tight-knit family and I am so very thankful for that.  But I have to remember to show that just because we are all close, we are not all on equal footing.  This is especially tough with having a teen in the house.

3.  Friends/Ministry.  I had to learn early on that just because something is good to do doesn’t mean that you should do it.  I am a reformed people pleaser.  I hate to say no or disappoint anyone.  I want to serve and help and love.  However, I had to learn that sometimes saying no is the better option and will actually help and love more than saying yes would have.

4.  Self-care.  I just learned a little more about this one and shared how vital it is.  You have to ensure that you are taking care of your whole self as much as possible before you can begin to serve others. Proper mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual care is key.   Even the flight attendants tell you to secure your own mask before helping someone else with theirs.

5.  God.  This one is unique.  Because rather than creating boundaries that keep something in or something else out, I’m learning to tear down the boundaries that I put around my God.  Rather than boxing Him in and thinking that He can only help with this, or that He’s only interested in that, I’m figuring out that He wants to be there for ALL of it.  I don’t have to put boundaries around Him or keep Him from things or out of things.  Rather, when I allow Him into everything, no matter how big or small, it automatically makes that thing better, sweeter, lovelier. 

What are some of your boundaries?  Or how are you learning to employ them better?

This post is part of a linkup with mrsdisciple.com.  Go here to check out even more on boundaries.

Making the Most of your Margins

Last week was insane.  I wasn’t quite sure why, but it was.  People were crazy.  My family was crazy.  I started to feel a little crazy myself. 

I only work part time which under normal circumstances means that I work 4-5 hours a day, 4 days a week.  Last week I worked 5 days and worked between 5-6 hours each day.  Encountering all the crazy people.  By Saturday (my first day off), I was beat.  Physically and mentally. 

I came to realized that with those few extra hours at work, everything had been thrown off, just a bit, but it was an important bit.  I wasn’t able to grocery shop for the whole week (poor planning on my part), so I was more apt to run and buy a couple things after work.  This pushed getting home even later. 

Once I got home, I had to do the normal tasks:  straighten up, do the dishes, cook dinner.  Yet, after working and running errands, I didn’t really feel like it.  Things piled up and we’d eat soup or sandwiches.  Nothing too strenuous.  I’d spend a little bit of time with Chas, and then NGD and I would watch an episode of Fringe (I was too tired by this point to watch more).  Then bed and repeat.

Add in the norm, (church, homeschooling, returning library books, etc.) and a couple of extra things in the week (going to a farm to learn the ropes on getting the milk for my milk group, NGD going to bible study with a friend, going over to our friends’ for Survivor night), and the week was just so full, it was busting at the seams.

I know that for most, this is the norm.  Most people are in a constant state of motion, running from one thing to the next.  Rushing one child to sports practice, picking another up from piano lessons, and then trying to make time for their spouse, all while trying to stay on top of work, chores, bills, and basic necessities.  And it’s hard. 

That’s one of the reasons that NGD & I work so diligently to plan ahead and intentionally try to create margins in our days and weeks.  Planning and prep really are the golden key.  I’m a visual person, so I invested in a calendar so I can see those margins.  It creates a calmness and peace to know that they are there and that I can take advantage of them without guilt.

Because without those margins this week, I wasn’t just affected by the craziness of others, I was part of it.  Saturday morning, I told my husband that I had realized that I had made little to no time that week to read, or write, or color.  I had journaled a bit on Wednesday, and even though it was really only about 10 minutes, it had calmed a raging headache and got me through the rest of the evening.

Women usually get a bad rap on this.  We tend not to practice self-care.  We spend so much time taking care of others that we minimize our own needs.  We think that this will strengthen us, yet it actually does the opposite.  When we take the time to take care of ourselves, we realize how much better we can take care of others.  It doesn’t have to be a spa day every week; it can just be a few hours doing something that recharges us.

Some of the ways that I recharge are by knitting, drawing, creating in some way, reading a book, researching holistic topics, watching a movie (by myself), or having a conversation with my husband/best friend about what’s going on with me.  There are many different things that will work.  It’s just about finding the right way for you and actually making the time to do it.  It is amazing what the results will show.

So, how do you recharge or practice self-care?

Resolutions vs. Goals

So, I think that most of us think of new beginnings at the start of a new year.  Some of us make solid, concrete resolutions and some just think about a few things that it might be good to change.  I, myself, have had a bit of a love/hate relationship with resolutions.  Part of it is because of the connotations that come along with actually writing out a list of behaviors we want to add in or give up.  I mean, it is kind of lame.

And yet, I still tend to do it.  I’ve gone so far as to make “new school year” resolutions.  I like the idea of change for the better and I tend to pursue it more than I actually follow through.  A few years ago, I really got on board and I made a great list of things that I wanted to do in the new year, we can call them resolutions, though I’m not entirely sure how resolved I really was at the time.

So great was this list that I still refer back to it.  I still look at the items on that list and try to make my poor, menial, and gradual steps toward those changes.  I do see some progress in my life.  Some of those changes have happened in ways that I could not have imagined and some are right on course.  I think of that list as more of life resolutions rather than just for a year.

With that in mind, I decided this year that I would make a small list of resolutions that would put me closer to those on my original list.  Then I boiled it down even further and came up with 3 items that I really wanted to focus on, 3 attainable items.  And rather than calling them resolutions, I am calling them goals.

Since my word this year is joy, I want to make that a main focus and really try to work on my joy.  I want it to be a lens of sorts that I see other things through.  As a part of that, I want to blog more.  Writing has been part of me for my entire life.  As an adult, I’ve ebbed and flowed on how much I actually make the time to write.  Last year, I blogged more than I had ever before.  I actually made the effort to post at least once a month.  I want to build on that this year and hopefully get back to the joy of writing.

I also really want to focus on health (mine and my family).  We are growing ever more crunchy and I love it.  I want to continue to learn and really become proactive with our family’s health.  As such, I have already joined a group and have received my first gallon of raw milk and ordered my essential oil starter kit!  As a bit of a subheading to this, I want to start running again.  I’ve never been a runner, but I’ve always wanted to be.  I did a 5K a while back and I really enjoyed it and the training.  I felt better mentally and physically and loved the accomplishments I made along the way.

I hope to share progress on these regularly and use that for accountability.  I’m really hard on myself and have a tendency to give up whenever I fail.  Hopefully, putting it “out there” will help me to do better in sticking with it and meeting each of these goals in 2016 and beyond.