A Year of Peace

My word for this year was Peace.  I would have to say that I am unsure of my success regarding my year of peace.  I may be a bit more peaceful now than I was last year at this time.  By and large, I am not what most would call peaceful.  Most of my friends know that anxiety is something that plagues me.

Now, as I said, I haven’t quite mastered the idea of peace.  However, several good things have come from a year dedicated to the pursuit of peace.  I have learned a great deal, beginning with the idea of what is the enemy of peace?  This answer may vary for many, but for me, the enemy of my peace was my anxiety and fear. 

I had to find out the root of my anxiety and fear:  lack of faith.  So, there it was; the actual obstacle that I had to overcome.  I’m still working toward it.  Faith is hard for me.  I’m not sure the cause, maybe it is the stubbornness of being from the “Show Me State.”  Regardless, it is something that I am consistently battling and working toward.

The other cool thing about my word this year is how much it popped up!  I couldn’t believe how much just the word PEACE showed up in my every day life.  Before I’d even made it home from the holidays, my parent’s pastor preached a short series on the lack of peace and it’s enemy anxiety.  I also taught a series from the Gospel according to John, which has a LOT to say about peace.  Or maybe that is just where my heart was.

I also made some amazing, Godly friends this year.  And it has been mind-blowing how often one of these great ladies would send me a message, text, note, or gift that in some way brought me back to peace.  Verses have been given that were the exact thing that I needed at that exact moment (Ex  14:14).  It has been a blessing that I didn’t even know to hope for.

So, how would I characterize my progress toward peace?  Well, like most things, it is a process.  I’m definitely not where I want, or need, to be.  But I am working closer to that direction.  If nothing else, I am way more aware of peace and my need for it.  And that is a very, very good thing.

2015 – A Year in Books

So, for the past few years I have been trying to set up a list of books and read through them in a year.  I’ve set a pretty unambitious goal of 24 books a year and yet, I have yet to meet my goal.  I may read 24 books, but they are never all of the ones on my list.  2015 was no different.

Here is the post detailing my book reading goals.  I did pretty good in the beginning, but then life happened.  We bought a house and farm that needs a LOT of work.  I was accepted into two book launch teams.  We spent the summer with family and friends with all our possessions in storage (still).  And I got a job!

Here’s what I finished from my list:

Has Christianity Failed You? byRavi Zacharias

Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker (alast minute substitution for 7 by Jen Hatmaker)

A Scandal in Bohemia (SherlockHolmes) by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Here are the books I started, but didn’t finish:

Orthodoxy by GK Chesterton

The Making of an Ordinary Saint by Nathan Foster

The Hole in Our Holiness by Kevin DeYoung*

And here are the ones I read that weren’t on my list:

For the Love by Jen Hatmaker

What’s So Amazing About Grace? by Phillip Yancey

Out of Sorts by Sarah Bessey

Saint Anything by Sarah Dessen

And a few other fiction books that were just quick, fun reads

All in all, not a great outing, but at least I kept reading.  Toward the end of the year, things just got nuts and I didn’t get to do nearly as much as I had hoped.  I’ll be posting my new list soon.  I’m leaving several open spots this year, at least at the beginning of the year.  I hope to have them filled by March with either recommendations from others or just wait and see what comes along my path.

*I started The Hole in Our Holiness and didn't finish, but it wasn't on my original list.

Christmas Traditions, Part Two...

When my sister and I were little, we shared a bedroom.  It was so much fun to giggle together and try to figure out what we were getting and listen for any noised that would indicate that our parents were up and we could finally be unleashed.

Now, we set a time for T-dub and J-dub to arrive so we can get things going.  Normally, I get up a little early and have a cup of coffee while I wait, looking at the tree and presents before everything is dismantled.  Even now, Chas sleeps in a bit, but he still gets up and sits patiently waiting for everyone else (the joy of having a teen vs. a toddler).

Since social media is a thing and I love it, I went ahead and began Instagramming, Tweeting, and posting on Facebook.  Adding selfies and pithy comments.  But finally T-dub and J-dub arrived.  So after they settled in with there coffee and the gifts they'd brought, we began to disseminate the gits.  I'm not sure how you do it in your house, I know everyone is different.  We divvy up the gits into piles and then everyone starts opening at the same time.

For the last couple years, we've been trying to find our groove.  We've done presents, we've done gift cards, and this year we did a mix of both.  I think we've hit our stride.  We did a few small things and then some major gift cards.  It works well for everyone and we've still got a little something to open.

I made out like a bandit this year, as did everyone else.  I got yarn, clothes, cosmetics, snacks, and a food processor.  Not to mention gift cards for Target, Amazon, iTunes, and a Visa.

Once the opening is done, Mom and Dad get started on the breakfast feast.  Dad makes Belgian waffles with all the toppings (fruit, whipped cream, powdered sugar, chocolate chips, maple syrup, etc.), sausage, and bacon.  Mom scrambles eggs, and makes biscuits, gravy, and fries up some of the ham from the day before.  T-dub and I aren't allowed to help.  This is their thing.  So we wait patiently and play with our toys or read our books or as was the case this year, color in our Adult coloring books.

After all that deliciousness, we settle in (still in our pajamas).  Sometimes, we'll make plans and go see a movie.  This year, we watched movies on TV.  It was the first time Dad and the Hubs had seen It's a Wonderful Life and the first time the Hubs and Chas had seen The Christmas Story.  After that, T-dub and J-dub left, so Mom, the Hubs, and I watched War Room and by that time, we were starting to get hungry so we reheated some leftovers and watched Chas' new movie, Ant-Man.

Not too long after that, everyone retired, but I stayed up and kept the tree lit.  I looked back on my resolutions for the past couple years and my book lists and began to work on both for 2016.  It's a process.  But I love that time of reflection all alone with the lights aglow.

So, what about you?  What are some of your traditions and fun?

Christmas Traditions, Part One

I'm not big on traditions.  I have a few and like a few, but it isn't really my thing.  However, there is something about the holidays that just pulls it out of me in a way like no other.  I love everything about holiday traditions.  I love remembering the traditions that my parents instituted, the ones we re-instituted with our son, and the new ones that we've picked up along the way.

In the past 35-years, I have only missed one Christmas with my family and even then, my parents and sister flew up the day after so we could celebrate.  Due to my new job, this year did work out a bit differently, but we still made it.  Chas came over in time to do the big celebration with my Mom's family and then the Hubs and I came over on Christmas Eve.

This really boosted my spirits.  Working in retail, I was having a bit of trouble connecting with the holiday spirit.  Even though I was tired and rushing to wrap presents and help cook and visit, I still loved being with family and my Mom's penchant for decorating her whole house.  My sister, T-dub, came over to join in the craziness before we headed to church.

The candlelight service and communion at my parent's church was also really good.  Their pastor did a wonderful job of keeping things Christ-centered and there is just something about being surrounded by all those individual lights casting a soft glow in the beauty of the sanctuary that moves me.

Then we come home to our feast.  This year things were pretty low-key, turkey, ham, dressing, potatoes, yams, and veggies with pie and bread pudding for dessert.  This was a blessing because things were incredibly yummy and also because it reduced the stress and the cleanup.  Most things were done on the grill or in crock pots.

After the feast, we open our pajamas (matching for the girls and for the boys) and play board games.  Usually we have a new game, but my mom (who was sick last year) really didn't stress this year and so we just grabbed a couple from years past, Catchphrase and Guesstures.  I know that most families play board games and most of them have fun, but I cannot believe that anyone has as much as we do.  The actual game is fun, but the commentary, giggles, and teams just can't be beat.

Then as things die down, T-dub and J-dub (her bf) go home and the rest of us go to bed to wait for morning.  It was a lot more fun when we were all together in one house and sometimes even in one room.  Now that Chas is older, there's a little bit of the excitement and magic that has left, but now it is replaced with joy and rest...

Part Two

This Life

I wish that I could say that it is no secret that I have been struggling lately.  And to some, maybe it has been.  However, my absence on blogging and social media point straight to my current plight.  I’ve leaned on a few friends and asked for a lot of prayer.

It’s been hard.  I can’t deny that.  I’m sure it is some form of pride that has caused me to shrink and not admit it.  But there it is.  There’s no way around it.  Life is hard.  No matter how much you have or how little you have.  It doesn’t matter if you are single, married, or dating, if you have no children, one child, or an entire herd.  Life is messy and complicated and difficult.

Now, to be sure, there are times when we bring the mess on ourselves and there are times when it is just out of our control.  So, what then?  If life is hard, then what do we do about it? 

I’m not sure I’m qualified to answer and I don’t know that there is a one size fits all answer.  Each mess is different.  No, I think that the key in any situation, in any mess, is your perspective.  Since we know that there will be messes and that life is hard, we just have to worry about how we are going to look at the mess.

For my recent situation, I have let the mess consume me.  I have treated the mess as if it was in control instead of realizing who actually was in control (answer: God).  I have wallowed in the mess, which is easy to do.  I lost sight of the fact that I live in a big world with lots of messes and lots of lives.  I spent almost one whole day on the couch crying about my mess (how selfish is that?).

Honestly, my mess is pretty bad.  It is easy to let it take over.  But that’s not what I’m called to do.  I’m not called to wallow.  Paul Tripp once said, “Sin reduces the size of your life, to the size of your life.” (What Did You Expect?) And, boy, did I let myself get there.  There was nothing outside of me.  I spent most of my day thinking about my situation, my mess, my problems.

Then  there was that day, the one spent on the couch crying.  I felt a little tug to text a friend.  In my despair, I almost dismissed it.  But I didn’t.  I texted her and let her know that I was thinking of her and that I missed her the previous night at church.  That reminded me that another friend wasn’t at church so I texted her.  Before long, I was in text conversations with both women.  One was committing to pray for me and what I was going through.  The other was sharing that she was going through a mess of her own.

It wasn’t long before I was no longer crying but praying for my friend and her mess and praising for the friend who had offered to share my burden (even though she didn’t really even know what it was).  That perspective shift was what I needed at that moment to remind me that I wasn’t the only one in a mess and that I wasn’t alone to take care of my mess.

When we are dealing with these complicated issue of life (and they are!), we have to be attentive, too.  We can’t allow the mess to close us off and isolate ourselves.  There are those out there that are willing to share your burden and there are those who may need you to share theirs.  Even if you are in a mess, you can still pray for those around you.

Prayer and perspective.  They kind of go hand in hand at times, don’t they?  We can’t stop praying.  And when the time seems hopeless, we have to remember to pray for that perspective.  For God to show us that He is sovereign and no matter how messy our situation might be, He is good and He’s got this.

Friday Favorites

5 Favorites of Fall

Wow!  Do I really have to limit it to 5?  I SERIOUSLY love fall.  It is one of my favorite seasons and this fall has been especially beautiful.  It’s easy to think of things I love about fall, but it may be hard to limit it to just 5!

1.  The Leaves – I mean, really, how can you not start there?  I really feel sorry for those who don’t get to experience the colors of fall.  We’ve been blessed on our foliage appreciation pursuits and were able to take a drive through the Berkshires of Massachusetts one year.  We also toured the Ave Maria Grotto in Cullman, AL a few years ago.  I’m sure that it is an amazing sight at any time, but as we walked through the Grotto with leaves falling and majestic colors everywhere, it was extra special.  This year, we’ve been blessed to be on our own land.  I’ve been amazed at how vibrant the colors are up here.  As a friend described the other day when she drove out here, “It’s like being IN a postcard!”

2.  The Weather – Now, I know for many fall means rain and that’s true here, too.  However, you can’t really have the cooler weather come in without a bit of a disturbance.  We had an extremely hot and miserable summer this year, so I am so very thankful for the drop in temps.  It has stayed extraordinarily pleasant for quite some time, light jacket weather as my grandma used to say.  It is a blessed respite between the sweltering heat of summer and the bone-chilling winter.

3.  The Clothes – It’s no secret that I’m a little… fluffy.  Therefor tank tops, shorts, and maxi skirts aren’t really my best friends.  No, my body is much more suited for sweaters, scarves, and hoodies.  But it doesn’t stop there!  With fall, we also get boots and tights and hats, oh my!  Not to mention my fair complexion works much better with the browns and reds and oranges rather than pastels and neons.  Yes, the clothes of fall are definitely on my list.

4.  The Holidays – Fall is like the calm before the storm.  Once the cool weather begins, we know that it’s only a few short months before the holiday season sets in.  If you are deliberate and intentional, you can enjoy this blessed peace and prepare for the coming onslaught.  Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays ever.  Probably because it’s all about gratitude, family, and food.  I don’t have to stress about gifts and money; I can just sit back and enjoy and be thankful.  And with Thanksgiving begins my favorite holiday trifecta:  Thanksgiving, Christ the King Day, and Advent.  Last year, Advent was a huge hit with our son and I look forward to celebrating this year, too.

5.  The Food – This could probably top my list on about any subject, but I especially love fall foods.  Last summer we were in a CSA and I loved getting all the fresh summer veggies.  I was almost distraught when fall came around.  What would I cook now?  Since eating seasonally is definitely a passion, I began to learn about fall foods and I fell in love.  Butternut squash, acorn squash, stews, chili, etc.  You also have apple and pear everything, cider, hot chocolate, and pumpkin.  I know that not everyone is on the bandwagon, but I’m a pumpkin girl.  We actually stock up on canned pumpkin in the fall and eat it year round.  I love pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin coffee, well, you get my drift.

Bonus:  Bonfires – Recently we went over to a friend’s and roasted hot dogs and made s’mores and drank coffee.  Does it get any better?

So, what about you?  What are your fall faves?  Grab a pumpkin spice latte, curl up in your favorite hoodie and tell me all about it.

"I used to think _____ and now I think _____."

 I used to think the Kingdom of God was very small, but now I know how big and rich it is.

I don’t remember the date at all, but I remember the conversation:

Woman:  So, why don’t you go to Mega Church Down the Road?

Me:  Well, you see, they believe and practice Pet Doctrine I Didn’t Even Really Understand.

Woman: …

This conversation really did happen and almost exactly like this.  That woman was my boss.  I had no clue where she stood with the Lord or where (or if) she went to church.  And to be honest, I guess I didn’t care.  Because those weren’t things I asked or talked to her about.  Ever.  However, I did have this conversation that still today makes me cringe over 10 years later.

Shortly after that, I ran into a woman who was in seminary.  It wasn’t so rare considering the seminary that my husband went to, but I had very definite opinions on that.  Those opinions didn’t coincide with this woman, however.  She was smart and articulate.  She loved Jesus and people.  She asked me a similar question as the one above.  Here’s how this conversation went:

Seminarian Woman:  Oh, you don’t go to Blank Church?

Me:  No.  I just don’t agree with This Doctrine?

Seminarian Woman:  Really?  I like to go to a church and see if the Spirit of God is there.  That’s what I look for first.

Me: …

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I responded, but I’m sure that whatever I said was about as good as all I’ve referenced so far.  But her answer stuck with me.  I’ve thought about it a lot over the years and it’s definitely influenced me.  Even though it took me another several years to take it to heart.

Fast forward another few years and my husband was on active duty as a military chaplain.  Our first duty station was in Southern California.  During our time there, we became close friends with an Assembly of God chaplain and came into contact with host of others.  But we never found a church home.  Being a chaplain, my husband didn’t really want to go to the chapel (it was like bringing work home).  We visited several other churches who had the same or similar name on the front as ours back home.  But none of those churches had what we were really looking for:  the Spirit of God.

Our next duty station was in Rhode Island.  We went to a church (of our flavor) and it was good.  The preaching was sound, but the people never really welcomed us.  Then we had to go on base to the chapel.  The atmosphere wasn’t great, but since the base was very transient, it wasn’t long until we got a new chaplain and worship leader and things began to change.  God’s word was preached and a new worship team truly led our hearts in worship.

I’d never seen anything like it.  Being brought up in the Bible belt, most people I knew went to church because it was were you were supposed to be on Sunday mornings and occasional Sunday or Wednesday nights.  I’d never really known another way.  Until this chapel.  For the first time, I saw people coming to church who were just there because they loved God.  It was life changing.

In this chapel, I learned what worship was and what it could do.  I heard God’s word preached with authority and I saw people coming together, those who knew Jesus and those who wanted to.  I began to volunteer with the women’s ministry at the chapel and ran into all different brands of Christianity and religion.  I sat at potluck dinners with Seventh Day Adventists, Universalists, and Evangelicals.  I taught bible studies with Catholics and Protestants.

And while this was going on during Sundays and Wednesdays, I was in a concurrent Bible study with a group of moms from my son’s school.  Their diversity rivaled that of the chapel.  When we weren’t at the chapel, we attended a Reform Church.  I found a new love for Jesus, His Scripture, and His people.  I found something in this place that I didn’t even know I was looking for: the Kingdom of God.

You see, once we really experienced the Spirit of God, unhindered, we found God’s Kingdom.  When we gathered with those who didn’t care about pet doctrines or buzzwords, but just focused on Jesus and being led by His Spirit, we encountered what Jesus had spent His time on earth preaching – The Kingdom!

Because God’s Kingdom is so much more and so much bigger than I could ever imagine.  Not to mention the fact that I’m not called to define or defend the Kingdom, I’m called to seek it.

Status Report: October

Well, it has been a good while since I reported anything about the house.  I have to say that it is a little intentional.  It’s been a hard summer.  Chas and I spent the majority of it with family and friends, while Nathan worked on the house.

He got a lot done, of course, without, uh, distractions (ie, me & Chas).  However, we’ve been back together for a while and as you would expect, progress has slowed.  Life keeps getting in the way, the yard needs mowed, the camper (where we are currently staying) needs to be worked on, friends invite us over, the yard needs mowed again!

That isn’t to say that nothing is getting done.  I’m happy to report that we are almost done with deconstruction.  It seems like I’ve been saying that for a few weeks now, but it’s really true.  All the drywall has been removed and now Nathan just has to clear out the living room and rip up the floor.

Then the good part begins:  CONSTRUCTION! (after a visit from the Orkin man – my personal hero)

I’ve been assured by many that this part will go much quicker.  I hope so because deconstruction has almost broken me.  I knew this was going to be a LONG term project.  It is a marathon and not a sprint, but considering I have trouble with a 5K, I’m a bit impatient. 

Every time we push back a deadline or something gets in the way, I want to scream and stomp and throw a tantrum that would make your threenager look like an angel straight from heaven.  I have to stop myself and realize that this is just a season.  Each time I am convinced that we will live in a 30-ft camper for the rest of our lives and I have to renew my mind.

Right now, we are hoping to winter over in the camper.  The roof will hopefully be done by winter and we will actually move into our house in spring.  If all goes to plan, we may actually be done by our projected date of 31 Dec 2016.  This is our plan, our hope, and our prayer.

As for right now, I’m trying to lean into the discomfort.  I am trying to realize that things could be worse.  I’m trying to remember that the suffering makes the joy that much sweeter.  And above all, I’m trying to do all of it to His glory, since that is what it’s all about anyway.

Out of Sorts by Sarah Bessey

What an amazing way to begin a book that is essentially the faith journey of author Sarah Bessey!  I have to admit that I was hooked from the beginning; an intro that perfectly sums up my current stage of life and Christian maturity.

The style of writing of Sarah Bessey has a quality to it that almost seems sculpted and poetic.  The pictures that she paints with her verbiage are as beautiful as the concepts that she is explaining.  This book is no different.  I found myself often staggered by the images that she used.  In a word, it was beautiful.

However, this is not a book of mere beauty and no substance.  Each chapter has a unique title and subject that could probably stand alone but when gathered together in this way, they absolutely shine.  While articulating beliefs (both her own and others) on various aspects of the Christian life, Sarah Bessey invites readers on her journey while encouraging them to embark on their own.

“I wanted to follow Jesus: not a way of thinking or a doctrine, not a sermon or a list of rules, not political affiliations and church denominations or a path to a shiny-happy life or anything like that.  I wanted to follow him and love him, right to the end, wherever he led.”

- Chapter 2, Out of Sorts

While I cannot claim to agree with everything she has articulated in this book, I feel that that in and of itself is okay.  Ms. Bessey gives the reader permission to disagree and figure it out on their own while still challenging you to seek the hard things and not shy away just because it is hard or sad or unpopular. 

“What I thought I knew or what I thought I believed turned out to be seeing through a glass darkly.  Even now, I am fairly certain I only have a small candle to aid my vision.”

- Chapter 4, Out of Sorts

Sarah herself proclaims that she doesn’t quite have it all figured out (not anymore #recoveringknowitall) and that what she does have figured out may change as she grows and matures.  That is the central lesson of the book, in my view.  We are constantly sorting; continuously going through the boxes of our faith and throwing out the old to make room for the new.  If we aren’t living a life of faith that is growing, maturing, and living, then we aren’t really living a life of faith.

“Anyone who gets to the end of their life with the exact same beliefs and opinions as they had at the beginning is doing it wrong.”

  - Chapter 5, Out of Sorts

We can’t take someone else’s word for matters as important as these.  They are ours to wrestle with and figure out, to store and to give away.  That is what Sarah Bessey does in this book.  From issues ranging the gambit from Jesus to Community to Grief, she takes a hard look at the ideas that permeate our current Christian climate and then looks at them from a Biblical and historic view.  Even though, the book is written from her unique perspective,  it is quite easy to plug in your own sorting.

“Who do you say he is?  And not the proper Sunday-school answer, not the lists of attributes or the memorized Bible verses – not here, not in this place.  When we are sorting through our very core self, this isn’t the time for the mask of right answers.  This is the time for the honesty.  In your heart of hearts, in your raw place of grief and suffering, in your rich center of love and redemption, who do you say God is?  There, in that place, who is he to you now?”

- Chapter 10, Out of Sorts

Above all else, there is a value on Truth and honesty and a call for us to clear out the attic space of our own faith and to not be scared of what we might find.  There may be things that absolutely need to be tossed, but there may also be things of beauty that need to be restored.  We must be honest and claim each item no matter where it came from or when we received it.  There is beauty in that as well, because it is all a part of us.  It is all part of our journey.  However, we cannot simply hold on to things due to sentimentality.  We have to make the hard choices in this sorting process.  And whichever it is, it is up to us to begin this process and to be led by the Holy Spirit into all Truth.  And sorting.

“I know you feel a bit out of sorts.  We all do sometimes.  It’s okay.  Don’t be afraid.”

- Benediction, Out of Sorts

Friday Favorites

5 Good Things about Living in a Camper

It’s been a while since I wrote a Friday Five/Friday Favorites (Life, man!), so I thought I’d couple a few things together with this entry.  Whenever our son is being especially negative, I make him stop and list 3 positive things.  If he’s negative about a situation, he has to list 3 things that he’s thankful for.  If he’s negative about a person, he has to list 3 positive things about that person.  You get the idea.

Well, lately I have been VERY negative about a lot.  Including, but not limited to, our living situation.  Specifically the wonderful, blessed camper that we are living in (it was loaned to us free of charge by a friend for as long as we need – blessed!).  So, I figured that I would list 5 positives for living in this transient way.

1. A smaller home means a smaller area to clean.  Seriously, it takes about 2 minutes to “clean up” the kitchen.  Smaller counter space means less to wipe down.  Not to mention that there’s only one spot of carpet that I have to worry about!  Less cleaning makes me a happy camper!  (Haha! See what I did thar?)

2. No rent.  A lot of people have questioned why we’d move out of a perfectly nice apartment before the house was done.  Well, it makes no sense to me why we’d continue to pay to rent an apartment when we have a home.  Less money out means more money to go to the renovation.

3. Transient lifestyle.  This one is a bit harder to define, especially if you’ve never lived this kind of crazy life.  Whereas the nomadic/transient life can cause a fair amount of stress, there’s also something really freeing about just living.  So there’s really no place to store my yarn so it just sits in the floor?  Okay.  Chas sleeps on the pullout, so he has to keep all his stuff piled neatly in the living area?  No problem.  Once you realize that you can’t completely organize/control this situation into submission, there’s a bit of freedom.

4. You think more about what you buy (groceries).  I love food and I love to cook and I also love to grocery shop.  I love the colors and the fresh produce.  I like talking to the butcher and finding out new things and recipes.  It’s just fun.  However, with limited pantry and refrigerator space and limited cooking tools, I have to think more conservatively before I buy.

5. Our homestead.  If we were still renting a place, I wouldn’t get the opportunity to live out here on our land.  And it is beautiful!  I really do love it.  It’s quiet and peaceful.  It’s so amazing to watch the sun set over the rolling, green hills.  It’s pretty cool to walk over and grab a chestnut off the tree and crack it and eat it.  It’s even fun to watch the squirrels and birds and, even, the wooly aphids roam about.  I can’t imagine being anywhere else.  Especially today as I drove home from town and saw the leaves changing and the sun setting.  

For the Love... of a Launch Team

It’s been just over a week since I went to Austin, TX.  I have been through there several times, but I’d never really stopped.  But this visit wasn’t just to sightsee.  I traveled from Nashville, TN to Austin, TX for a party.  But this wasn’t just any party.  It was a book launch party for Jen Hatmaker’s For The Love. 

Jen Hatmaker is the author of 11 books

                                    

However, this journey didn’t really start a week ago.  No, it actually started last March.  I had finished Jen’s book Interrupted and started to follow her on Facebook and Twitter.  That’s when I saw her post about applying to join her Launch Team.  I’d applied for a couple teams before but never got on.  I figured I’d go ahead and apply.  After all, Interrupted had been amazing.

Then another amazing thing happened.  I was picked.  I didn’t find out until later that 5000 people applied and only 500 were chosen.  I was part of this group.  I received an advanced digital copy of the book and later a hard copy advanced book.  I also joined a private Facebook group, a community. 

Launch Team love because who doesn't love swag.

                                     

Of course in March, I didn’t know that.  I really didn’t understand much about it at all.  It started small.  Most people posted about the book, parts they liked, quotes, etc.  Then a few started posting about their life, funny stories about their children, pictures, etc.  Before long, people started sharing prayer requests, life stories, and struggles.

In the months that followed we became friends and prayer warriors.  This little group of women (and 4 men) became a community.  They knit together to lift members up in prayer and also we started to gather in small groups all over the country.  People lived out the gospel, as well as the central message of the book we were launching:  Grace. 

When a sister posted about a need, there was response.  Those who could give, gave.  Those who couldn’t be there physically prayed.  Groceries were given.  Refuge was given.  Travel to the launch party was given.  A car was given.  And that is just the physical stuff.  Support was given for those who were having difficulty in marriages, difficulty in raising children, taking care of parents, ministry needs.  Friends were made who’d never met in real life.

It was a safe place for people who were searching, for people who’d been hurt, for people who needed a safe place.

Then a week ago, over 200+ of these women converged on Austin, TX.  I was a scholarship kid.  I didn’t have an FTLBFF (For The Love Best Friend Forever).  I really didn’t know what to expect.  I was flying to Austin alone, in a shirt emblazoned with the book title, in hopes of running into some of my FTL sisters in the airport.  And I did.

All alone at the Austin airport, waiting on my FTL sisters.

                                 

I also made some really great friendships over the course of the weekend.  I was challenged to get out of my comfort zone and I was able to introvert a little, too.  Sure, we did some sightseeing and some shopping.  We even went to the main event, the party at Jen Hatmaker’s house!  And we did church together on Sunday. But those things seem small in comparison to what really happened over the weekend.  Our community, which had largely been online, met.  We came together.  We hugged.  We loved.

Just a few of the beautiful women I was blessed to spend time with.

                                         

Faces I recognized and those that I didn’t came together with stories that’d been shared over the course of several months.  I was able to hug and talk to those who I’d been praying for and hear about continued requests and answered prayers.

I didn’t engage a lot (#ambivertproblems), but I observed a lot.  I still want to cry when I think about it, when I think about the things that were shared during that weekend, barbeque and donuts, tears and laughs, fears and joys, bread and wine, love and grace.

Just a few of the ladies (seriously).

                               

I still struggle with putting it all into words.  A week later and I still don’t think I’ve processed what all it means and how it has affected me, even as I’m awakened by texts from my new FTLBFF’s and praying for my FTL sisters. 

Food + Great ladies = An amazing time.

                                   

And if I can’t completely comprehend what has happened here in this place, I don’t know how to share it with others.  Other than showing them.  Loving them.  Giving grace as freely as it has been given to me.

                                   

Meeting Jen was great.  She was the one that brought us together.
But in the end, this was just a small part of an amazing time.

                               

Why Wednesday? Homeschool

Why We Homeschool?

Now, here’s a topic for discussion, right?  There are so many opinions on schooling.  I know that this is a hot topic, so please bear with me.  This may be long and you may not agree.  I am fully aware that how and where you school your child is a personal choice (even how each homeschooler schools is a debate and a topic for another day).  I merely want to try to explain why we do what we do.

When Chas turned 5, we were living in Springfield, MO.  Since his birthday was in April, I knew he’d be starting school that following September.  I started looking at the school he’d be attending and I couldn’t believe that such a milestone was already upon us.  There was no question in my mind about where or how he would be schooled.

So one day, when the Hubs came home, I started talking to him and telling him about all that we needed to do in the coming months to get him ready for school and talking about this school and all that I’d already found out.  He stopped me cold in my tracks and said that he thought we should homeschooling.  I could NOT believe what I was hearing.  Homeschooling was something that weird families did and only produced weird, antisocial children.  How could he suggest such?!

And on top of that, how on earth could I teach our child the things he needed to learn in school?  How does one teach a child to read?  Or that 2+2=4?  I just wasn’t equipped for that.  After 5 years, I still wasn’t convinced that I was cut out for mothering, now he wanted me to teach him ALL THE THINGS?  So, my answer was simple and firm.  I said, “No.”  There was no room for discussion and no changing my mind.  I didn’t want to hear reasons or direction from God.  My answer was No and that was it.  (It’s one of 2 times in the past 16 years of marriage that this has happened.)

Nathan didn’t push me, but he did continue to pray.  As we investigated the school and found it less than desirable, he still didn’t say anything.  We kept moving forward in that direction because in my mind, there was no other option.  Our son was school age and he would go to the public school we were zoned for.  That’s just what you did.

However, God had other plans and He even worked around my stubbornness.  He moved us from Springfield, MO to Gallatin, TN.  While in Gallatin, we ran into the same problem with a less than desirable public school.  But another option presented itself in the form of a small private, Christian, church school.  We couldn’t really afford it, but they school was small and in true Christian manner, they worked with us.  Nathan even taught classes there to supplement tuition.

I won’t say that Chas got the best education there, but he did do well and learn the things that a kindergartner and first grader should learn.  From there, we continued to move around and God continued to provide good private school options (except for one semester in a public school in CA, but even that was redeemed!).  Chas attended private and mostly Classical schools.

But at one of those schools he was so bullied that my heart was torn in two.  He was hit in one place on his arm until the kids drew blood.  He was so distraught that he once told me that he didn’t even want to live anymore.  I was DONE.  We were in an area where there were no other options.  It was through this that the Lord put homeschooling back in my mind and fostered it in my heart.  I didn’t care if I would be a great teacher.  I didn’t care about my fears of my inadequacies.  My baby was being hurt and it had to stop.  I was finally ready.  Scared out of my mind, but I was ready.  But God being who and what He is, still provided and we found a different (and amazing!) school.

Yet, that homeschooling burden didn’t go away.  So, when Nathan came home one day and told me that he was getting out of the Navy (the 2^nd time I said, “No.”) and moving back to Tennessee, I knew that we were going to homeschool when we got there.  And I was able to prepare.  I spoke to MANY families that homeschool, both Christian families who homeschool for theological reasons and military families who homeschool for practical reasons.

The ultimate reason that we homeschool is because I believe that it is my job to educate my child.  It is a command that we are given in Scripture.  Some do this by sending their child to a public or private school.  We choose to do this at home because if I am accountable for what he learns and how he learns it, then I want to do the best job I can.  I don’t think that will happen at a public school in the current and present culture that we live in.  There is just as much indoctrination that happens as true education and we must be aware.  Instead of working to counteract even the most subtle of errors, we’ve chosen to completely remove the problem.

I’ve had to repent for saying “No” in the beginning and I’ve grieved for the time we lost.  However, I am thankful that even in my rebellion that God redeemed it and gave Chas an amazing education.  I would advise anyone who has a child that is school aged to pray for what it is that God would have you do concerning your child and their education.  Don’t spend time worrying about whether you are competent or what others might say.  Choose what is best for him/her, whatever that might be.

For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards

Today is a very special day.  Jen Hatmaker's new book, For the Love, comes out today.  I have been privileged to read an advanced copy of this book and I must say that it is amazing.  As a person who is struggling to figure out exactly what it means to seek the Kingdom, this book spoke straight to my heart.  

Jen examines the life of the individual, the church, and community.  She speaks honestly about her struggles with the people of God and those in her own family (Parenting! For the Love!).  She takes an open look at the issues that we struggle with as we try to be women who do it all, have it all, and be it all, perfectly.

The beauty of this book is that even though Jen speaks about the tough issues that we face and forces you to dig deep into your own life and thoughts, she also gives you a little break and offers comical respites, such as her own personal Jimmy Fallon-esque Thank You Notes.  Just when you are about to cry your eyes out because you know that she wrote that passage with you in mind, she jumps to fashion crimes and you begin to cry with laughter!

This book is a great way to begin to have those tough conversations with those around you, in your home, in your community, in your life.  It helps us to start figuring out what this life is all about and how it should be lived - For the Love!

This post is part of Jen Hatmaker's "For the Love" Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers.  To learn more and join us, click here.

Why Wednesday? Clean Eating/Whole Foods

Why Whole Foods/Clean Eating?

Just to clear things up, I don’t mean Whole Foods Market, though I do tend to shop there.  No, today I’m talking about why I eat the way I do, or at least try to.  There is no simple answer to this question.  I can’t talk about the way I eat without talking about the whole of life.

To start, I think I have to answer the question of why eat at all?  What is the purpose of eating?  We eat to sustain ourselves.  Better said, we eat to live.  Without food, we can’t be sustained.  What follows is what kind of life to you want?  I want a healthy life, therefore I want to eat healthy.

Eating healthy means different things to different people.  I have friends and family that believe that if it says “healthy” “low fat/calorie” or “good for you” on the label or on tv, then it must, in fact, be healthy.  What those labels mean to me is that they’ve probably taken the really heathy parts and replaced them with things to make it taste better or last longer.  That is why I try to eat ‘clean’ or ‘whole foods.’

Clean eating is basically the premise that you eat things that are processed as little as possible or have few ingredients.  I am not a strict adherent to this principle, so if that’s what you are into or if you want more info on that kind of life, I’d suggest you go here.  She’s got some great info and some recipes that are AMAZING!

I believe that the reason that we have so many health problems in our country is because we tend to lack food in our food.  There are so many preservatives, processed, and synthetic parts in our food that it rarely resembles what it’s actually supposed to be.  Try looking at a normal bottle of fruit juice.  To me, the only ingredient should be the fruit, right?  However, that is rarely the case.  Look at a jar of pickles.  You know what it takes to make a jar of pickles?  Cucumbers, pickling spices, vinegar, and water.  Do you know what the common ingredients in a store bought jar of pickles?  Cucumbers, water, vinegar, salt, calcium chloride, sodium benzoate, polysorbate 80, natural flavors, and yellow #5.

With the modern invent of so many convenience foods in our country, from fast food drive thrus to grocery store prepared food sections, we have lost the nutrients in our food.  That’s why we need vitamins, supplements, and drugs to solve problems that could be solved by returning to a diet that actually contains those vitamins and nutrients.

So, that is why I eat clean/whole foods.  When I can.  Because just like everyone else in the world, I don’t always have the time to bake my own bread (I do it when I can) or squeeze my own orange juice, or pickle my own pickles.  I fall prey to the modern conveniences, too.  But that is why it is so important that you read labels and choose wisely.  Perhaps you have to buy spaghetti sauce instead of making your own, read the labels and make a good choice.  Stay away from high sugars and a multiplicity of ingredients (especially if you can’t recognize or pronounce them!). 

Because in the end, all we can do is the best we can.  Make good, healthy choices when we can.  And this helps in those times when we can’t.  Our body was made to heal itself.  So if we are able to eat as clean and whole as possible 75% of the time, then our body will work to repair any damage that is caused when we run through the McDonald’s drive thru during the remaining 25% of time.  Food is meant to sustain us, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it.  We just have to make sure that it is in it's proper place and that we are being good stewards of self and others.

Friday Favorites...

Well, it's that time again.  I'd like to share just a few of favorite things...

1. Alone - I don't know if you know about the History channel's new reality survival series, but it is AWESOME!  We just happened upon it while on vacation.  It's like Survivor, but without other people.  If Survivor is an experiment in sociology, then Alone is an experiment in psychology.  10 men were dropped in the wilderness of Vancouver Island, Canada with 10 items (of their choosing) and cameras to document their journey.  After one week, 6 guys tapped out, but now we're down to the final 4 (all the ones I picked at the onset!) and they've been out there for over a month!  I can't wait to see who wins.

2.  Fitbit - I just got one of these little contraptions for my birthday (yay!).  It's a little wiggy to think of a bracelet that keeps track of your activity and sleep, but it is a pretty cool thing to be able to track these things.  I'm really trying to get fit and healthy and I'll take all the help I can get.

3. Paper Towns - Chas and I went to see this for my birthday (yay!).  I haven't read the book.  I really did mean to, but I haven't been much into fiction lately.  I know that the movie deviated from the book quite a bit, however, I thought it was great.  I won't give too much of the plot away but it you have a teen, it's a great watch for them and adults alike.

4.  Air conditioners - Yeah, I know that I said last week that I like the weather and I still stand by that while I"m standing comfortably by an air conditioner.  Last week I went to a picnic at the park with my parents and their church and there aren't enough adjectives to describe the deluge of sweat that was continually pouring off of me.  Summer by the Mississippi River = heat + humidity.  Now in addition to the indoor variety, I'm pretty excited about the fact that my AC in my car is now blowing those icy cold streams of air, too.

5.  For the Love - I know, I know.  It was on the list last week, but that was just the preorder.  Now, you can actually go to Barnes & Noble and buy it BEFORE it is released.  Not every B&N have it out, but you can check yours.  I found it in mine.  (BONUS:  If you flip to the back you can see a list of all the Launch Team members!)

These are just a few things that have caught my eye this week, what's on your favorite lists?

Why Wednesday? Blogging...

If you have children or have ever really been around a child, you know that phase where they continuously and relentlessly ask questions.  And usually no matter how far from that original question you get, it always ends up devolving into that 3-letter word that can keep the game going indefinitely:  Why?

That game tortured me when Chas was little, but I have to say that it also made me think about a lot of things that I’d never really thought about before or at least not to that extent.  Why are chicken nuggets this shape?  Why is it important to wash your hair?  Why do we call it a pair of pants when it’s a single item?

With that in mind, I’ve decided to start a series of sorts.  I want to explore some of the mundane and the profound in life in Why Wednesday?  Some topics may be silly and some may delve a bit deeper, but all are made so that I can tackle some of my beliefs and find out Why?  Why do I believe that?  Why do I watch that?  Why don’t I do that?

Today, I wanted to start off with something a bit on the lighter side and try to explain: 

Why I Blog?

I’ve always enjoyed writing.  It has been therapeutic for me.  I think it must somehow run in my genes, because I can remember as a child watching my sister work consistently on poems and screenplays and stories in the bedroom we shared.  She even went to school for it.  Most of my early writing was fiction and I even collaborated with a friend where we’d pass off a notebook and write a long story involving the teachers and classmates we encountered.  I still have a lot of those files that I would transcribe on my computer.  However, they are on discs that no longer work on modern computers (I’m old, y’all).

Writing stories, like reading stories, gave a way to escape and enter a completely made up world.  When I wrote the stories, I got to create that world. 

Today, I still write a fiction story or work on an old one every once in a while.  And I vow to one day participate in NaNoWriMo.  However, I’ve realized that as I have gotten older, I have a lot more to say about the world I currently live in than the fictional ones I created.  I have thoughts and opinions and ideas.  I took to social media for a while and that was fine, but I realized that that wasn’t the best medium to say all that I wanted to say.  And it certainly wasn’t great for long detailed posts or delicate opinions.

I had just a couple of friends that wrote blogs and I read a couple that I really enjoyed.  I wanted to enter that arena.  I wanted to put my words out there, too.  I wanted to be able to bear my heart and say the things that were on my mind and relevant to the world I lived in.

Ultimately I blog because it helps me.  It gets me out of my head a bit and allows me to say the things that are often bottled up in me with no way out.  I blog because I enjoy it.  Someday it would be great if I had a large readership and it’d be even greater if I could make money at this, but really I blog first for myself.  And I hope that maybe someday something I write might help someone else.  As one of my (few) blogging friends once told me, “Blogging is good for the soul.”

August Books?

Anyone who has followed be for very long, knows my love of books.  And lists.  So it totally makes sense for me to make a list of books that I want to read for the year, right?  So I did.  And I did really well, for a few months.  But I am so sad to say that I have pretty much abandoned my list.

I've still been reading some, but I haven't followed much of my list for several months.  I've actually had several books cross my path that I had to read, such as For The Love by Jen Hatmaker.  But I've also had a couple cross my path that I just needed to read, like Kevin Yancey's What's so Amazing About Grace?  Both were amazing and I would highly recommend them.

Last month I came across The Hole in Our Holiness by Kevin DeYoung.  I started it immediately.  I am just beginning it (and haven't made enough time for it), but I love it.  I think I am on quite a personal journey exploring righteousness, holiness, and grace and the inner-working of all those things together.

Even with my major deviation from my list, I'm not chucking it out just yet.  Perhaps I'll return to it at some point this year.  I'm not ready to call it a failure, just yet.  I have to remember that the point of my list is to keep me reading.  My goal was 24 books this year.  This doesn't seem overly ambitious to me.  I have friends that will read double that by year end.  I just want to make sure that I am continuing to feed my mind and being challenged.

So, what are you reading?  What has caught your eye this year?

Friday Favorites...

I know there are a lot of blogs out there that do some fun posts on Friday and since I’ve been a little MIA lately, I thought I would go ahead and join the Friday Fun Bandwagon.  I’m starting this out this week because tomorrow is the first day of August, which is one of my favorite months.  And here are a few reasons why:

1. My Birthday!  Yep, that’s right.  I kind of have a love/hate relationship with my birthday.  I don’t mind getting older, but for many years I had really bad birthdays (grandma had a heart attack and stroke on my 17^th and then there was the year that my mom, husband, and son forgot – and no, it wasn’t a joke).  However, I’ve still always looked forward to my birthday.  Isn’t there just something fun about being silly and enjoying the day God placed you on this Earth?

2.  School supplies.  I’m SUCH a weirdo, but there is just an amazing joy that comes from shopping for school supplies.  When I was in school, I loved it, too.  I didn’t care about starting school, but I loved the school supply shopping (more so than clothes shopping).  Now that we homeschool, it’s even better because I get to make my own school supply list!  And if I happen to add a couple fun binders and pens that end up being too girly for my son to use, then I guess I’ll take them off his hands.

3.  Weather.  Yes, August is still hot.  And humid.  And miserable.  But there is hope in August, right?  You know that after August comes September then October.  The end of the oppressive heat and humidity is in sight.  It’s just around the corner.  Don’t believe me?  Look at all the pretty sweaters that are now in stores.

4.  Back to School Planning.  Now, this isn’t to be confused with school supplies although, there is a bit of overlap here.  Being the nerd that I am, I love sitting down with my calendar and planning out our school year.  Where are the 3-day vacations and weeklong breaks?  What are we going to study first semester and what will wait until the spring?  This is my jam, y’all.  I’m a planner and I love it.  It is hard and takes a lot of work, but it is oh, so rewarding.

5.  For The Love.  Yes!  It is finally here.  The book that I have been gushing over and quoting to all that would listen, yeah, it comes out this month.  18 Aug, to be exact (one week after my birthday!).  Seriously, this is book is awesome.  It melds the idea of being a Kingdom people with lots of humor and presents it in a real way.  The good news is that you don’t have to wait until August to buy it.  You can preorder it here now! 

This concludes this week’s faves.  What are some of the things that you are excited about this week?