Take Two...

I posted a looong time ago that we bought a little piece of land, 2 acres, and that we were planning on building our dream home/homestead there. Fast forward two years and things have not gone as planned. Some for the better, some not so much. 

However, God has blessed us and now we are the owners of a new place, 5 acres and our very own little farmhouse (built in 1905!). 

The pic is a little dark and the house quite obviously need some love, but isn't it darling?!  

I have to say that almost everyone I've shown pics to says the same thing, "It has so much potential." 😀 

I haven't let that get me down too much. However, there's been plenty to get down about. Things thus far haven't gone, shall we say, smoothly? 

We knew this was a fixer upper and we had a pretty solid plan before we'd even closed, but man, it has been a consistent struggle since Day 1. I know that this is a journey and I need to just relax and see what God is going to do. Because I know it will be glorious. 

It will be a lesson in faith and trust (two areas where I need major help). It will also be an adventure, right? 

March Books...

Um, so my reviews for March books aren't looking so good.  I think I have finally given up on fiction books (for the most part - I did download the entire Father Brown collection).  And I did start Orthodoxy and I'm loving it!  However, I think I dug myself a little deep in March.  

I was picked for Jen Hatmaker's For the Love book launch team (yay!) and began reading that book.  There was a bit of a deadline since we were asked to submit an endorsement for the book by 20 April, plus I just really wanted to finish the book!  I'm sure I'll have LOTS more to say about this book coming up, but for now I'll leave it here:

Now, I did finish Ms. Hatmakers book.  But then I also picked up a copy of Phillip Yancey's What's So Amazing About Grace?  And it is AMAZING!  I couldn't put it down.  Until I had to (laundry, dishes, cleaning house, and a family that thinks they need to eat EVERY DAY!).  Then a book I had on order at the library came in, The Fringe Hours by Jessica N. Turner.  Another great book!  And since it is on loan for the library, I thought, "Oh, I should finish this first, right?"  THEN, I got a copy of a book on Faith to read for our Ladies Day at church in July.  It's a quick read, so I should just go ahead and start that, too, right?  (Oh, and I may not have mentioned that I am currently teaching a women's bible study at church every other Wednesday, participating in a bible study on Hebrews every Thursday, and leading a different bible study with a different group of ladies once a month).

So, this is how I find myself reading 4 books (and 3 bible studies) in April and not managing as well as I had hoped (I'll have more to share on THAT big news later).  My yearly book list is all but discarded and I've added another 9 books (or so) to my list of books to read - an every growing list.  Long story short, I'm kind of failing at this right now.

But here's my plan for now:  I'm going to finish The Fringe Hours (because it is a library book, after all) and work on the Faith book (it really is a quick read).  Then I"m going to tackle What's So Amazing About Grace? and then try to finish Orthodoxy.  I may keep reading Orthodoxy here and there because the Hubs has taken to me reading it out loud and that's just fun.

So, now, at the end of April, I have finally posted about the books I've (tried to) read in March and no actual reviews.  Hopefully I will have more to share in May, along with the big news.

Liturgical Living - Lent

So, if you check the archives, last year, Lent was HUGE for me.  It was my first real foray into liturgical living and even though it didn't go well, or as expected, I learned a lot and it helped me to get ready for this year's attempt and I don't mean to brag, but I kind of rocked Advent.  Even Chas says so. 

Now for this year.  I totally dropped the ball.  I would LOVE to blame the fact that it's early or that we have a ton of things going on, but I really have no excuse.  I'm trying to forgive myself because I know I should, but really Lent and Advent are the two biggies that I feel like I can participate in (being a non-liturgical and all).  

However, even though I'm not strictly adhering to most Lenten practices, I am trying to think spiritually at this time.  I'm trying to simplify and I've tried to clean and de-clutter some.  I've thought about Christ's suffering and things of this nature.

And I guess what I'm learning (thanks to the "Interlude" in The Making of an Ordinary Saint) is that it isn't just about actions.  Sure, there are Lenten actions you can take that are good, fasting, prayer, etc.  However, those aren't the only, or best, ways to celebrate.  If the purpose of the liturgical year is to draw closer to God through looking at the life of Christ, then I have to accept that it won't always be perfect and I won't acheive the same goals as my awesome Liturgical brethern.

So, as a strict non-liturgical celebrating the liturgical year, I may be failing Lent, but I am still trying and still working to deepen my relationship with our Lord and know Him more and deeply.

February Books...

Well, this blog has been a little harder to maintain right now with current circumstances in my life.  However, I did get to finish my February books.  Well, kind of.

I devoured Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker.  I also read one of the Sherlock Holmes stories, A Scandal in Bohemia.  But I did not read any of The Making of an Ordinary Saint (Fasting).  So, 2-ish out of 3 ain't bad? (I don't know if I can count just reading one Sherlock Holmes story).

I thoroughly enjoyed Sherlock, but that isn't surprising.  I love the tv shows/movies and detective novels in general.  I really wanted to start at the beginning, but I just couldn't wait to read about Ms. Adler.  I also read a fair amount of the history of publishing the Holmes stories (because I'm a nerd like that).  

As for Mrs. Hatmakers' book.  Yes!  That's about all I can say.  I would love to delve into the nuances and all, but just read it.  It's all about Kingdom living.  And that is awesome.  It's a bit fluffy and 'you go, girl,' but not so much so that it is hard to read.  I don't agree with all of her theology and doctrine (do I agree with ALL of anyone's?), but she gets it.  It's all about God and all about love and the messages that she writes are ones that need to be heard, read, and taught by individuals and in churches all around.  Seriously, you need to read it.

Sorry for the short updates and basic lack of activity.  I've been super busy filling a knitting order and just general life "stuff."  I am happy to report that I have read my missing discipline for February - fasting - as well as March's discipline - study - already.  And I've begun reading G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy.  I may not get to my fiction book this month because I have several gardening books that I want to look at and try to plan and see if this is something that might happen this year (and I will SO blog about that!)

And hopefully, I will get back in the swing of things and start blogging again (even though, I currently have no readers).  As someone once told me, it's good for the soul.  :)

Sincere Thoughts from my Heart

Have you ever felt lost and undone?  I thought I had.  I have always had a bit of a flair for the melodramatic.  As a child, even a perceived slight could send me over the edge.  I like to think that this has been tempered as I've grown.  I still have my moments, but with maturity has come some discretion.

And yet, as I sit here, I feel a sense of utter... hopelessness?  loss? turmoil?  I don't even know what the right word is.  I know that whatever I felt in the past was merely a child's fantasy compared to the heartache and pain I feel now.  It is so complete that I have trouble catching my breath and feel that at any moment I may be crushed completely by it's heaviness.

I know that it is only temporary, because things of this world are.  But it doesn't feel that way right now.  It feels as if there is no end in sight.  All that is ahead is more pain and problems and bad.  This, though, is also a cause to be thankful.  I'm glad that I am not ruled by my feelings.  I'm glad that I've had instruction and devotion to the idea of "taking my thoughts captive," as the apostle Paul instructs. I don't have to give in to this feeling of terror and hopelessness.  I feel them to be sure.  They are currently choking me with their intensity and I barely have a reprieve from my tears to type this out.  But they don't own me and they can't completely consume me because there is a part of me that no longer belongs to me.  That is the part I must listen to and rely on.

The other truth of this, there are very real circumstances behind these fickle feelings.  There are things in my life that are bad and wrong and I have no clue when or how they will change.  It may take a while and it may be uncomfortable.  This is truth.  However, I am not alone.  I don't suffer alone.  I like to think that I do because I have a tendency to hide myself away while I'm dealing with such horrible things.  Yet, no matter how hard I try to recede, God is always there.  He is beside me and within me.  This is the comfort that while I abide in Him and in His Word while things are rosy, He will abide in me as well, especially when things aren't.

I also have friends and family.  Some of what I'm going through, they are, too.  We struggle together.  I can be thankful that God sends people when you need them.  Though many are unaware of what is going on at this moment, it's okay.  

I'm also keenly aware that my current struggle and state aren't as bad as it could be.  Part of my heartache is for a friend  who is on the verge of the battle of his life, literally.  I share their pain and it breaks my heart.  It does not devalidate what I am going through, but it does give perspective.

The current, sincere prayer of my heart is that God would lead and guide me through this moment of despair and help me to honor and glorify Him through it.  I pray that it will not last long, but even if it does, I pray that He will help me to lean into Him and not anywhere else.  I pray that He be with my friends as they go through their own severe time and that healing and comfort would be upon them.  

God be with us.

January Book Reviews...

I did it!  Four days late, but I finally finished my first reading goal of the year.  My books for January were Has Christianity Failed You? by Ravi Zacharias, Emma by Jane Austen, and Chapter One, Submission of The Making of an Ordinary Saint by Nathan Foster.

I hate to say it, but I never even cracked the cover of Emma.  Well, I don't hate it that much because, well, it was supposed to be my "fun" book.  A kind of place to relax and enjoy.  So, it wasn't a high priority durinng my busy January.  So, no I see it as more of a "no harm, no foul" type of situation and I'm not going to get too spun up about it.  If it works out then I may try to work it in some point in the future.  (I really will read a Jane Austen book someday - and just starting Mansfield Park doesn't count)

I did read the first chapter of The Making of an Ordinary Saint.  I wrote a little about that already and I hope to write more about my journey (and failure) of practicing the discipline of Submission during the month of January.  The good part about that is that the disciplines should build and support one another, so even though, I may not have just had abudant success in January, I can (and will) keep working on it for Febuary along with my new discipline.

Now, for the main event.  I finally finished Has Christianity Failed You?  That sounds much worse than I actually feel.  It just seemed to take forever.  I'm sure this says more about me than about the book.  Even though I listen to Mr. Zacharias' sermons and debates weekly, this is the first book of his that I have read.  I must say that it reads much like you would expect if you are familiar with his style.  This is to say, that if you would rather speak on the "vicissitude" of life, then this book is for you (yes, I did have to look this word, and many others, up).

That is to say that this is very wordy and academic.  This is NOT a bad thig.  Reading scholarly works is needed.  However, I do think that there are times when the author is wordy or academic needlessly.  I don't think it is out of any malintent, but rather a byproduct of his background and apologetics.  For the most part, he debates and speaks to very learned people, so this is how he writes.  I think it probaly lends itself well to many of his other works, but if this was to to accessable to the masses who are questioning Christianity, it may have needed an adjustment.

That is the more of the style of the writing, but what of the substance?  Well, it's good.  Even though I knew where he was heading, it was still a pleasure to see how he got there.  As with many who are skilled in debate, I think some of the arguments were made out of rhetoric rather than to answer the actual question posed.  In the end, though, I think he tacked the heart of the problem behind this question well.

Short Notes:

Did I enjoy this book?  Meh.  It was good and stretched my brain, but I found it intimidating and tedious.

Did I learn anything from this book?  Yes!  Can you read anything by Ravi Zacharias and not learn something?  I tthink not.  It is not an apologetic, but it does help alter the way you look at God, people, and the church.

Would I recommend this book to others?  Probably not.  It would really depend on the situation.  I believe that you could probably read the last chapter and glean most of what this book has to offer.

Monday's Sitrep...

Well, I have to say that things are not going well.  To be more precise, "not going well," is an astronomical understatement.

To date, I have failed to go to the fitness center even once, go to any fitness class, pick up my "January" books, or well, much of anything that was on my list on Friday.  Yes, as I said, I'm on fire.  Also, the new and improved schedule?  Well, lets just say, getting a meal ready at a certain time is not my strong point.  Neither is getting to bed or getting up at the designated time.  Nor is getting started with Chas' school on time.  Yes, so basically EVERYTHING on the schedule.  Sigh.

Yet.  I have had one minor success.  The book that I'm reading all year?  The Making of an Ordinary Saint by Nathan Foster.  Well, I did start that.  This month's discipline is: Submission.  I don't know if you have ever discussed this in a group before, but it can get very interesting very quickly.  I've heard everything from a call to change the word (not the idea, just the word) to the ideas of blind submission.

To be perfectly honest, I don't have much of a problem with this.  I understand the Biblical concept and I like it.  I'm so a "liberty within bounds" kind of girl.  Give me complete freedom and I feel oppressed (As was  evidenced recently on a trip to the Goodwill with a close friend.  So.  Many.  Clothes.)  I just can't handle it.  Give me parameters and I can thrive.  Now, this is a sweeping generalization, but for the most part it fits.

I didn't think too much about studying submission this month and didn't think too much of the fact that I was starting so late into the month.  I didn't wrestle with submission and I was good at it (for the most part).  I erred at times, but I wasn't expecting any earth shattering revelations either.

I was wrong.  In reading Mr. Foster's chapter on submission, I was shocked to realize that what I had described in my word for the year as peace, was more akin to submission (Peace is still my word and I'm still working on cultivating that).  When I found peace in the situations I described, it was because I had submitted myself to God.  Instead of worrying and trying to figure things out in advance, I had stopped and submitted my will to His.  It created a peace in me that has inspired me to seek it more and more.

This is significant.  Especially in a week where I already feel like such a failure (why, yes, it is 11:44pm and I'm not in bed yet).  I needed that encouragement.  I needed to know that even though I am failing, I'm not a failure.  I am still learning and progressing, even if it is at a glacial pace.

I have learned that in order to continue to pursue Peace, I must practice submission, not just in the ways that I'm used to.  No, I must seek out ways to submit.  I must foster a heart that is willing to submit even when it is hard and even when I don't want to.  This is what I'm called to in obedience to Jesus, the Prince of Peace.