Liturgical Living - Lent

So, if you check the archives, last year, Lent was HUGE for me.  It was my first real foray into liturgical living and even though it didn't go well, or as expected, I learned a lot and it helped me to get ready for this year's attempt and I don't mean to brag, but I kind of rocked Advent.  Even Chas says so. 

Now for this year.  I totally dropped the ball.  I would LOVE to blame the fact that it's early or that we have a ton of things going on, but I really have no excuse.  I'm trying to forgive myself because I know I should, but really Lent and Advent are the two biggies that I feel like I can participate in (being a non-liturgical and all).  

However, even though I'm not strictly adhering to most Lenten practices, I am trying to think spiritually at this time.  I'm trying to simplify and I've tried to clean and de-clutter some.  I've thought about Christ's suffering and things of this nature.

And I guess what I'm learning (thanks to the "Interlude" in The Making of an Ordinary Saint) is that it isn't just about actions.  Sure, there are Lenten actions you can take that are good, fasting, prayer, etc.  However, those aren't the only, or best, ways to celebrate.  If the purpose of the liturgical year is to draw closer to God through looking at the life of Christ, then I have to accept that it won't always be perfect and I won't acheive the same goals as my awesome Liturgical brethern.

So, as a strict non-liturgical celebrating the liturgical year, I may be failing Lent, but I am still trying and still working to deepen my relationship with our Lord and know Him more and deeply.

February Books...

Well, this blog has been a little harder to maintain right now with current circumstances in my life.  However, I did get to finish my February books.  Well, kind of.

I devoured Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker.  I also read one of the Sherlock Holmes stories, A Scandal in Bohemia.  But I did not read any of The Making of an Ordinary Saint (Fasting).  So, 2-ish out of 3 ain't bad? (I don't know if I can count just reading one Sherlock Holmes story).

I thoroughly enjoyed Sherlock, but that isn't surprising.  I love the tv shows/movies and detective novels in general.  I really wanted to start at the beginning, but I just couldn't wait to read about Ms. Adler.  I also read a fair amount of the history of publishing the Holmes stories (because I'm a nerd like that).  

As for Mrs. Hatmakers' book.  Yes!  That's about all I can say.  I would love to delve into the nuances and all, but just read it.  It's all about Kingdom living.  And that is awesome.  It's a bit fluffy and 'you go, girl,' but not so much so that it is hard to read.  I don't agree with all of her theology and doctrine (do I agree with ALL of anyone's?), but she gets it.  It's all about God and all about love and the messages that she writes are ones that need to be heard, read, and taught by individuals and in churches all around.  Seriously, you need to read it.

Sorry for the short updates and basic lack of activity.  I've been super busy filling a knitting order and just general life "stuff."  I am happy to report that I have read my missing discipline for February - fasting - as well as March's discipline - study - already.  And I've begun reading G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy.  I may not get to my fiction book this month because I have several gardening books that I want to look at and try to plan and see if this is something that might happen this year (and I will SO blog about that!)

And hopefully, I will get back in the swing of things and start blogging again (even though, I currently have no readers).  As someone once told me, it's good for the soul.  :)

Sincere Thoughts from my Heart

Have you ever felt lost and undone?  I thought I had.  I have always had a bit of a flair for the melodramatic.  As a child, even a perceived slight could send me over the edge.  I like to think that this has been tempered as I've grown.  I still have my moments, but with maturity has come some discretion.

And yet, as I sit here, I feel a sense of utter... hopelessness?  loss? turmoil?  I don't even know what the right word is.  I know that whatever I felt in the past was merely a child's fantasy compared to the heartache and pain I feel now.  It is so complete that I have trouble catching my breath and feel that at any moment I may be crushed completely by it's heaviness.

I know that it is only temporary, because things of this world are.  But it doesn't feel that way right now.  It feels as if there is no end in sight.  All that is ahead is more pain and problems and bad.  This, though, is also a cause to be thankful.  I'm glad that I am not ruled by my feelings.  I'm glad that I've had instruction and devotion to the idea of "taking my thoughts captive," as the apostle Paul instructs. I don't have to give in to this feeling of terror and hopelessness.  I feel them to be sure.  They are currently choking me with their intensity and I barely have a reprieve from my tears to type this out.  But they don't own me and they can't completely consume me because there is a part of me that no longer belongs to me.  That is the part I must listen to and rely on.

The other truth of this, there are very real circumstances behind these fickle feelings.  There are things in my life that are bad and wrong and I have no clue when or how they will change.  It may take a while and it may be uncomfortable.  This is truth.  However, I am not alone.  I don't suffer alone.  I like to think that I do because I have a tendency to hide myself away while I'm dealing with such horrible things.  Yet, no matter how hard I try to recede, God is always there.  He is beside me and within me.  This is the comfort that while I abide in Him and in His Word while things are rosy, He will abide in me as well, especially when things aren't.

I also have friends and family.  Some of what I'm going through, they are, too.  We struggle together.  I can be thankful that God sends people when you need them.  Though many are unaware of what is going on at this moment, it's okay.  

I'm also keenly aware that my current struggle and state aren't as bad as it could be.  Part of my heartache is for a friend  who is on the verge of the battle of his life, literally.  I share their pain and it breaks my heart.  It does not devalidate what I am going through, but it does give perspective.

The current, sincere prayer of my heart is that God would lead and guide me through this moment of despair and help me to honor and glorify Him through it.  I pray that it will not last long, but even if it does, I pray that He will help me to lean into Him and not anywhere else.  I pray that He be with my friends as they go through their own severe time and that healing and comfort would be upon them.  

God be with us.

January Book Reviews...

I did it!  Four days late, but I finally finished my first reading goal of the year.  My books for January were Has Christianity Failed You? by Ravi Zacharias, Emma by Jane Austen, and Chapter One, Submission of The Making of an Ordinary Saint by Nathan Foster.

I hate to say it, but I never even cracked the cover of Emma.  Well, I don't hate it that much because, well, it was supposed to be my "fun" book.  A kind of place to relax and enjoy.  So, it wasn't a high priority durinng my busy January.  So, no I see it as more of a "no harm, no foul" type of situation and I'm not going to get too spun up about it.  If it works out then I may try to work it in some point in the future.  (I really will read a Jane Austen book someday - and just starting Mansfield Park doesn't count)

I did read the first chapter of The Making of an Ordinary Saint.  I wrote a little about that already and I hope to write more about my journey (and failure) of practicing the discipline of Submission during the month of January.  The good part about that is that the disciplines should build and support one another, so even though, I may not have just had abudant success in January, I can (and will) keep working on it for Febuary along with my new discipline.

Now, for the main event.  I finally finished Has Christianity Failed You?  That sounds much worse than I actually feel.  It just seemed to take forever.  I'm sure this says more about me than about the book.  Even though I listen to Mr. Zacharias' sermons and debates weekly, this is the first book of his that I have read.  I must say that it reads much like you would expect if you are familiar with his style.  This is to say, that if you would rather speak on the "vicissitude" of life, then this book is for you (yes, I did have to look this word, and many others, up).

That is to say that this is very wordy and academic.  This is NOT a bad thig.  Reading scholarly works is needed.  However, I do think that there are times when the author is wordy or academic needlessly.  I don't think it is out of any malintent, but rather a byproduct of his background and apologetics.  For the most part, he debates and speaks to very learned people, so this is how he writes.  I think it probaly lends itself well to many of his other works, but if this was to to accessable to the masses who are questioning Christianity, it may have needed an adjustment.

That is the more of the style of the writing, but what of the substance?  Well, it's good.  Even though I knew where he was heading, it was still a pleasure to see how he got there.  As with many who are skilled in debate, I think some of the arguments were made out of rhetoric rather than to answer the actual question posed.  In the end, though, I think he tacked the heart of the problem behind this question well.

Short Notes:

Did I enjoy this book?  Meh.  It was good and stretched my brain, but I found it intimidating and tedious.

Did I learn anything from this book?  Yes!  Can you read anything by Ravi Zacharias and not learn something?  I tthink not.  It is not an apologetic, but it does help alter the way you look at God, people, and the church.

Would I recommend this book to others?  Probably not.  It would really depend on the situation.  I believe that you could probably read the last chapter and glean most of what this book has to offer.

Monday's Sitrep...

Well, I have to say that things are not going well.  To be more precise, "not going well," is an astronomical understatement.

To date, I have failed to go to the fitness center even once, go to any fitness class, pick up my "January" books, or well, much of anything that was on my list on Friday.  Yes, as I said, I'm on fire.  Also, the new and improved schedule?  Well, lets just say, getting a meal ready at a certain time is not my strong point.  Neither is getting to bed or getting up at the designated time.  Nor is getting started with Chas' school on time.  Yes, so basically EVERYTHING on the schedule.  Sigh.

Yet.  I have had one minor success.  The book that I'm reading all year?  The Making of an Ordinary Saint by Nathan Foster.  Well, I did start that.  This month's discipline is: Submission.  I don't know if you have ever discussed this in a group before, but it can get very interesting very quickly.  I've heard everything from a call to change the word (not the idea, just the word) to the ideas of blind submission.

To be perfectly honest, I don't have much of a problem with this.  I understand the Biblical concept and I like it.  I'm so a "liberty within bounds" kind of girl.  Give me complete freedom and I feel oppressed (As was  evidenced recently on a trip to the Goodwill with a close friend.  So.  Many.  Clothes.)  I just can't handle it.  Give me parameters and I can thrive.  Now, this is a sweeping generalization, but for the most part it fits.

I didn't think too much about studying submission this month and didn't think too much of the fact that I was starting so late into the month.  I didn't wrestle with submission and I was good at it (for the most part).  I erred at times, but I wasn't expecting any earth shattering revelations either.

I was wrong.  In reading Mr. Foster's chapter on submission, I was shocked to realize that what I had described in my word for the year as peace, was more akin to submission (Peace is still my word and I'm still working on cultivating that).  When I found peace in the situations I described, it was because I had submitted myself to God.  Instead of worrying and trying to figure things out in advance, I had stopped and submitted my will to His.  It created a peace in me that has inspired me to seek it more and more.

This is significant.  Especially in a week where I already feel like such a failure (why, yes, it is 11:44pm and I'm not in bed yet).  I needed that encouragement.  I needed to know that even though I am failing, I'm not a failure.  I am still learning and progressing, even if it is at a glacial pace.

I have learned that in order to continue to pursue Peace, I must practice submission, not just in the ways that I'm used to.  No, I must seek out ways to submit.  I must foster a heart that is willing to submit even when it is hard and even when I don't want to.  This is what I'm called to in obedience to Jesus, the Prince of Peace.

Let's Get Physical...

I'm only slightly embarrassed to admit that I still do New Year's Resolutions.  There was a fair gap there where I didn't, but in recent years I have gotten caught up in the idea of change and newness.  Last year, I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but I will say that my mindset was different.

To make my resolutions for 2015, I decided to focus on the 4 pillars of health (I wrote more about those here.)  So, I divided my list into Physical, Spiritual, Mental, and, well, Family - but that hinges on emotional, right?  I came up with 3-5 resolutions for each category.  Some aren't shareable, but I wanted to help stay accountable, so I'll share what I can.

Today, I want to focus on the Physical list.  There are the resolutions that will pertain to my physical health.

1. Workout 3-5 times a week.  My plan is to go to our fitness center while it's cold out on M-W-F (I'll switch over to running outside when it gets warmer, remember when it was #stupidcold last week?).  I'm also going to go to fitness classes twice a week with my BFF.

2. Run(ish) at least one 5K this year (hopefully, two).  This was the one of the only resolutions I completed last year.  I can't stop now!  The BFF has already signed up for the Foam Glow Run and the Color Run is in May.

3.  Eat healthier and simpler.  Less sugar, more water.  I have already started this, but I want to keep going and take it as far as I can.

4.  Be more diligent in personal care.  I already pay a crazy amount of attention to why goes into my food, why don't I do the same with my personal care?  I need to find the best way to take care of my skin, hair, and body.  And trim my hair more often/cut down on the hair dye.  Seriously.

5.  Introduce more natural/holistic/homeopathic healthcare (both treating and preventative).  I've known for some time that I have to start looking into probiotics and digestive enzymes.  I just resist because who wants to focus on gut health?  This is the year, though.  Read, research, and do.

It's seems like a lot for such a small list.  On the one hand, it all seems so basic and easy.  On the other, it is incredibly daunting.  I have to remember that it is a journey.  I'm not looking for things that I can check off of a list.  I want a better lifestyle for me and my family so that I can serve and glorify God in the manner that He desires.  This is what I'm attempting so that I can get there.

Oh, My Books...

Does anyone else make book lists for the year?  One of my favorite bloggers clued me in to this.  I started in 2014 and made an incredible ambitious list that included several classics, such as Plato's Republic and Jane Eyre, as well as several books that I guess can best be described as theological?

I'm very sad to say that I only read 4 of my 24 books*.  That's not to say that I only read 4 books in 2014 (perish the thought!), but of all the books I read, only 4 were on my list.  I posted about the first one I completed.  I was pretty excited.  If only I had carried that through the rest of the list!

In any event, I have made my list for 2015.  I really want to do better this year.  I decided to split it up, thusly (yeah, I said it).  I figure I can realistically probably ready 2 books a month (with the books that I have chosen).  So, I picked 11 works of literature and 11 non-fiction (theological-ish) books.  That way I can read one fiction and one nonfiction book a month, when I tire of one, I can switch to the other.  I'm also leaving two slots open for new books that catch my fancy.  (8 days into the year and it's already happened)

Now, one of the books is on the subject of Spiritual Discipline, of which there are 12.  So, I decided to focus on one discipline a month (more on that in future posts).  This means that I will be reading one book over the course of the year, one chapter a month (this will also teach me the discipline of patience because I can't imagine taking a year to complete a book).

And without further ado, here's my list:

  1. Has Christianity Failed You? by Ravi Zacharias
  2. Emma by Jane Austen

  3. Housewife Theologian by Aimee Byrd
  4.  The Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allen Poe

  5. The Blue Parakeet by Scot McKnight
  6. Jane Eyre by Emily Bronte

  7. The Beloved Disciple by Beth Moore
  8. Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (haven't decided which story yet)

  9. Reshaping It All by Candace Cameron Bure
10. Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling

11.  Three Free Sins by Scott Brown
12.  A Midsummer's Night Dream by William Shakespeare

13.  Orthodoxy by GK Chesterton
14.  Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery

15.  Restless by Jennie Allen

16.  Faith Unraveled by Rachel Held Evans
17.  Walden by Henry David Thoreau

18.  Crazy Love by Francis Chan
19.  Notes from a Blue Bike by Tsh Oxenreider

20.  Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker (this has already changed from 7 also by Jen Hatmaker)
21.  A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

22.  The Making of an Ordinary Saint by Nathan Foster -  this is the book I will read over the course of the year.

Some of these are new to me and some are classics that I love and can't wait to re-read.  Some are books that I've picked up and started to read and didn't get through (rare, but it happens).  It's not an overly ambitious list, that's for sure, but I wanted to be realistic and leave room open for any new books that might come my way.

If you have read any of these, let me know what you thought.  Or if you have a book list, please share it.

*The books from my list that I actually finished for 2014 are:  Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist, A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans, Soul Detox by Craig Groeschel, and Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey